I'm back...but I've moved!

Thanks to popular demand (ok, more like one person nagging me to get back online), peacegrrl has returned. Alas, Blogger is going through some changes and won't let me upgrade to the new version of their blogging software, and I needed a serious change of scenery, so I've moved over to Wordpress. Come check it out...

The Nifty New Place

See you soon!

Hiatus

OK, I know I've been gone for a while. A lot of things have gone down since early May, the hardest of which was losing my little nephew on Mother's day, after just a few hours here on earth. In the midst of the tough times in my family, along with work and some assorted grad school nightmares, it's been hard to get on here and write. Partly because I've made most of my posts so generic and general, so as not to give any intimate details that might later incriminate me should they get into the wrong hands, and partly because it's hard to find a witty way to relate a lot of what's been going on. I've turned inward these days--thinking about where I am, what I'm doing, what's next. What's really important. And while my connections with my friends and family are stronger than they have probably ever been, my blog has taken a bit of a backseat.

So I'm officially putting Peacegrrl's World on hiatus. For now my blog alterego is on vacation. I'm still around through myspace and instant messenger, so keep in touch! And check back...consider this the pause button. Sooner or later I'm sure that this introspective time will pass, and we'll return to regular programming.

Thanks for reading!
-pg

Hiatus

OK, I know I've been gone for a while. A lot of things have gone down since early May, the hardest of which was losing my little nephew on Mother's day, after just a few hours here on earth. In the midst of the tough times in my family, along with work and some assorted grad school nightmares, it's been hard to get on here and write. Partly because I've made most of my posts so generic and general, so as not to give any intimate details that might later incriminate me should they get into the wrong hands, and partly because it's hard to find a witty way to relate a lot of what's been going on. I've turned inward these days--thinking about where I am, what I'm doing, what's next. What's really important. And while my connections with my friends and family are stronger than they have probably ever been, my blog has taken a bit of a backseat.

So I'm officially putting Peacegrrl's World on hiatus. For now my blog alterego is on vacation. I'm still around through myspace and instant messenger, so keep in touch! And check back...consider this the pause button. Sooner or later I'm sure that this introspective time will pass, and we'll return to regular programming.

Thanks for reading!
-pg

A sigh of relief.

Ahhhh. My classes are over. The last paper has been turned in. My grueling annual self-evaluation for work is complete. All that remains is to check a few hundred residents out of the buildings, and summer will have officially begun! It's about time. Of course, even though the pace might be slower over the next few months, my world will still be pretty busy. Two courses left (plus program approval and that pesky capstone paper) before graduation. I'm working part-time this summer, and Mama Peacegrrl is planning a visit (a source of both joy and stress). But the weather will be warm, there won't be any students around, and there might actually be time to do the stuff I enjoy and never seem to get around to lately. Perhaps there will even be a new boy to occupy me. Ha! I AM being optimistic!

I'm jazzed today because I get to leave the office at five, I'm spending time with some good friends tonight, and I've got two new knitting books. AND I get to sleep in tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, it will be the 5-year anniversary of my college graduation. 5 years!!! Holy crap. It feels like only yesterday I was clutching my hard-earned English degree and wondering what the hell I was going to do with it. I've learned so much about who I am in the past half-decade, and I can only imagine what I'm going to learn over the next. I'm hoping it's mostly good stuff.
-pg

The latest stuff

Alrighty, a few things to ramble about. First off, work has actually been pretty good. My staff and I went to a baseball game last night, which was super fun (even though we lost. Badly.) It was Dollar Dog night...mmm, nothing like cheap hot dogs, cheap seats, and staff bonding. It was an excellent time. I also survived a weekend on duty without any major campus-wide meltdowns. I'm happy to say that in just over a week, this place is going to clear out. AND my classes are going to be over. I'm glad--learning is fun, I'm a nerd, but even nerds need breaks.

Other news... I finally had The Talk with ambiguous relationship guy. Things went about how I had a feeling they'd go, but without as much crushing disappointment as I expected. I'm ok about it. Really. Well, mostly, anyway. Of course, my temptation is to rush right out and find someone new to obsess over, but I know that this would be foolish. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: if there's no fantastic guy in my life, it's becaue there's not supposed to be one right now. Or maybe I've already met Mr. Right and don't even know it. Or I'll stumble across him when I stop thinking about it for longer than five minutes. At least I SERIOUSLY hope so. Platonic friendships with heterosexual males are all well and good, but eventually they just don't cut it. I'm lonely, and I'm looking. But I will try to relish the two or three great things about being single, without feeling sorry for myself. (Somebody might have to remind me that I just said that when, a few posts from now, I start whining about I need a man, I hate being alone, blah blah. I realize that this optimism is temporary.)

Holy crap...one more week, and another semester will be over. Where the heck will I be a year from now? Still single? Moving again? Getting ready for a PhD program? I honestly have no idea. I wonder if all 27-year-olds feel as directionless as I do.

The Zen of Stupidity

I wrote this in a journal sometime in August and unearthed it last night. I think I may have been onto something. My question is, who was that person? Where has all of that optimism and insight gone in the last eight months?

8/11/05
How many things in this life do we leave undone for fear that we'll look stupid? And in spite of all our grown up, mature inhibitions, how often do we end up feeling stupid anyway?

Coming off of the heels of a harrowing attempt at love, I'm feeling a little stupid these days. I certainly look stupid! I looked stupid in love, with my silly smile and failure to process any thoughts not related to The One. And now, out of love, I look even stupider, with my deflated hopes and puffy eyes.

But that, I realize, is the juice of life. It's the good stuff. The taking risks, taking plunges, believing in the unknowns. This is what life is about. It's running out and banking on the highly unlikely, fully aware that we're going to look and feel stupid when it's all said and done. If I go through each day deciding what NOT to do for fear that people will laugh or I'll feel silly or embarassment will stain my cheeks, then why get out of bed? What have I gained if I haven't risked a thing?

Wisdom is finding a place in life where you don't care how stupid you look. This is maturity. This is happiness. We should all strive for the zen of stupidity.

Spring Fever

I can't concentrate on anything today. The window is wide open and this amazing early-spring breeze is circulating through my office, making it seem obscene to pour my energy into things like end-of-year reports and budget balancing. Scantily clad students are lying in the sun all over campus today, and I can't say I blame them. Spring in Ohio is a WAY bigger deal than it is down south. We bundle up in October and stay that way for the duration, spending as little time as possible outside, because we'll be plagued with slush and salt and dirty snow (and besides, the sun's only putting in a rare appearance). Those first few days of spring, when everything is melted and the trees are starting to flower and you can smell the green in the air, feel like manna from heaven.

Naturally I'm feeling pretty good these days--large doses of sunlight will do that to you. And I'm feeling restless. I blame spring for that, too--nature's on a crazy frenzy to bloom and reproduce, so doesn't it make sense that people start to feel the same way? It doesn't help that people are pairing off left and right, and my sister is seriously pregnant, and my ambiguous relationship continues to get more and more confusing as I refuse to confront it. I hate it when I get like this, focusing too much on my state of singleness and ignoring everything else that's great about my life.

OK, so I haven't written about my Philip Seymour Hoffman obsession lately. This month in O magazine, they asked him what his favorite books were...and of course he and I have a shared favorite (A Thousand Acres, by Jane Smiley, in case anybody's wondering). Peacegrrl Seymour Hoffman...I like the sound of that. I can't wait to see him play a mean bastard in the new Mission Impossible movie, even if it means enduring a few hours of that crazy fucker Tom Cruise. And I'm extraordinarily pleased to see that PSH finally has a fan site , even if it's a little lame. It's a start.

Well, I've managed to successfuly kill about an hour and a half on this post, so I guess I'll get back to today's version of "work," which basically entails listening to Interpol and pushing paperwork around my desk. Happy springtime!
-pg