So here we are, at that akward little crevice between Thanksgiving and Christmas, when everyone's shopping like crazy and doing their best to get into the "holiday spirit." I got a few days away from the Ohio blizzard and hung out in the Houston smog, where it was 80 degrees on Thanksgiving, which I think is just plain wierd. Thanksgiving was ok. Lots of turkey and stuffing and family drama, but we survived the first major holiday without Ed without any major mishap. We were aided in great part by the new family pet. Tequila is the craziest looking, cutest dog I've ever seen. She really does have a mohawk, too! She's part Rhodesian Ridgeback. Spirits were so high that we even dragged ourselves out of bed at 4am on Black Friday to go shopping. It was worth it to wander around in Gardenridge Pottery while it was nearly empty, but by the time we got to Kohl's the crowds had arrived and were turning a bit hostile. I think I'll go ahead and avoid that experience in the future.
The really good news is that it's cookie-baking time. I'm getting started this weekend, and the plan, provided that I get enough baking done and actually manage to keep my apartment clean for the next two weeks, is to invite everybody over on the 10th for a cookie party. For some people the holidays are all about tinsle and wreaths, but I'm more into gathering my friends around so we can overdose on sugar and complain about work. I'm really hoping that the smell of warm oatmeal scotchies will help get me a little more into the celebrating mood, because right now things just aren't so hot. I'm exhausted all the time (but I can never sleep), I feel like I'm lagging behind in just about everything, and my self-esteem is really in the dumps. I'm just not keeping it together these days. I'm so damn down that I don't even feel like obsessing about men. I realize that I'm in no way qualified to be a part of a relationship at the present time. I need to get my own act together before I start worrying about anybody else's.
And with that, I'd better roll. One more meeting to go. Leave me some happy thoughts--I miss comments!
-pg
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Well, it's officially that time of the year--the snow has been flying since yesterday afternoon. At least it's not sticking to anything. It's seriously gloomy out there, though, which makes it hard to crawl out from under the flannel sheets in the morning. I need to get some of those full-spectrum lightbulbs or something. I think Seasonal Affective Disorder is already setting in. Then again, it's hard to differenciate between my normal crabbiness and crabbiness associated with the loss of daylight savings time. Someone told me yesterday that the last time they saw me NOT in an uptight, worried, or complaining mood was back in June. Am I only seasonally pleasant? Is my job destroying my ability to relax and think happy thoughts? The career-change contemplation continues. It will last at least through December, after which I will return from the holidays refreshed and optimistic, thinking that surely I can handle one more year. I can't decide if I keep doing this because it's my calling or because I'm terrified to do anything else. Is fear the only thing stopping me? Will I end up getting married, staying in this career, settling in and looking back twenty years from now wishing I'd taken a different path?
Aaah, enough career contemplation for now. I think my biggest problem these days is that I'm lonely. Definitely not lonely for friends, because I've been blessed with probably more than I deserve. Just wishing I had a non-platonic guy in my life. My relationship with The Boy was dysfunctional at best, but at least it was a relationship. This is going to sound unforgiveably cheesy, but there are times when everything seems to be falling apart and you just need someone's arms in which to sink. I value my independence and my ability to function as a single woman with a full-time career, and in no way do I think that I'm somehow "less than" because I don't have a man in my life. But that doesn't, not for a second, stop me from wishing that I did. I don't think I was meant to go through my entire life alone. And sometimes it's really hard for me to understand why I've had to face three of the hardest months of my entire life without the comfort of being able to go home to somebody. I'm certain I'll come out from all of this stronger than before. But that doesn't make it any less bittersweet.
Alrighty, end of reflection. Off to go on duty. I'm hoping that the cold weather slows everybody down and it's an unusually quiet Thursday night.
-pg
Aaah, enough career contemplation for now. I think my biggest problem these days is that I'm lonely. Definitely not lonely for friends, because I've been blessed with probably more than I deserve. Just wishing I had a non-platonic guy in my life. My relationship with The Boy was dysfunctional at best, but at least it was a relationship. This is going to sound unforgiveably cheesy, but there are times when everything seems to be falling apart and you just need someone's arms in which to sink. I value my independence and my ability to function as a single woman with a full-time career, and in no way do I think that I'm somehow "less than" because I don't have a man in my life. But that doesn't, not for a second, stop me from wishing that I did. I don't think I was meant to go through my entire life alone. And sometimes it's really hard for me to understand why I've had to face three of the hardest months of my entire life without the comfort of being able to go home to somebody. I'm certain I'll come out from all of this stronger than before. But that doesn't make it any less bittersweet.
Alrighty, end of reflection. Off to go on duty. I'm hoping that the cold weather slows everybody down and it's an unusually quiet Thursday night.
-pg
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Neglect...
So I know that I've been lousy about keeping up with the blog lately. I have a few excuses...my computer froze up when I tried to update last week and I lost my post, and I've been too crabby to write much. Plus I fear that my posts aren't very interesting, especially compared with my friends who are off on fabulous adventures, or getting married, or are just way more creative than I am. I think I use the format more for bitching than anything else. Then again, it's my blog and I'll bitch if I want to, right?
Then let's begin. Work...stressful, overwhelming, annoying, and exhausting. I burn out every year right about now, and I'm definitely on schedule. I spend most days racing to keep up with everything I'm expected to do. Of course once again I'm spending a lot of time pondering whether or not this is actually what I want to do with my life. I'm sick of college students...SO sick of them. I don't know that the five-day Thanksgiving break is going to help much. I hope so. This is one of the only things (besides knitting and baking chocolate chip cookies, neither of which is particularly lucrative) that I'm good at. It doesn't help that my entire social circle is tied up in my job, which is probably not the healthiest thing.
Which brings us to my "love life"...which is basically non-existent. Yes, I like a guy. No, I have no idea if the feeling is mutual. And I'm in no mood to risk rejection. For now I've decided that friendship is good enough for the moment, and let's be honest, about all I really have time for. I can't even manage to update my blog and keep my apartment vacuumed. How am I possibly going to be able to maintain some semblance of a relationship?
My nanowrimo project is kind of a bust, because when I actually have a few minutes of downtime, I can't think of anything creative. Maybe I'll have a spurt of inspiration and hammer out another 43,000 words over the weekend, but I'm seriously doubting it. Maybe I should stick to reading novels instead of writing them. Speaking of which, Between A Rock and a Hard Place was awesome. I've moved on to the new Jennifer Weiner book, but I have to say, not too impressed so far. Then again, anything is more interesting than the crap I've been reading for my classes lately.
So okay, happy thoughts. I had a fun weekend, with lots of time with my totally platonic love interest. The Guy (remember last July's quasi-romantic saga?) is supposed to be swinging through town sometime this weekend, which should be fun. Might the Peacegrrl find herself in a compromising position in which she must weigh the ethics of perhaps being presented with the possibility of getting a little action against the fact that she has an enormous crush on someone else? We shall see. I'm headed to Texas for Thanskgiving in a week--yay for turkey, mom, and no work! The first snow is supposed to come this week, which is okay--the first snow is fine. It's all pretty and sparkly and fun for the first twenty-four hours. It's after the forty-fifth snow, when everything's covered in gray slush and the bottoms of all of my pants are eaten away by salt stains, that it really starts to get old. And that's all the good stuff I can come up with for the moment, although I'm sure there's lots more.
That's all for today...I'm off to a meeting and then my workday is officially over. Yay for getting to bed at a decent hour. I promise to post more often, bitching or no bitching.
-pg
Then let's begin. Work...stressful, overwhelming, annoying, and exhausting. I burn out every year right about now, and I'm definitely on schedule. I spend most days racing to keep up with everything I'm expected to do. Of course once again I'm spending a lot of time pondering whether or not this is actually what I want to do with my life. I'm sick of college students...SO sick of them. I don't know that the five-day Thanksgiving break is going to help much. I hope so. This is one of the only things (besides knitting and baking chocolate chip cookies, neither of which is particularly lucrative) that I'm good at. It doesn't help that my entire social circle is tied up in my job, which is probably not the healthiest thing.
Which brings us to my "love life"...which is basically non-existent. Yes, I like a guy. No, I have no idea if the feeling is mutual. And I'm in no mood to risk rejection. For now I've decided that friendship is good enough for the moment, and let's be honest, about all I really have time for. I can't even manage to update my blog and keep my apartment vacuumed. How am I possibly going to be able to maintain some semblance of a relationship?
My nanowrimo project is kind of a bust, because when I actually have a few minutes of downtime, I can't think of anything creative. Maybe I'll have a spurt of inspiration and hammer out another 43,000 words over the weekend, but I'm seriously doubting it. Maybe I should stick to reading novels instead of writing them. Speaking of which, Between A Rock and a Hard Place was awesome. I've moved on to the new Jennifer Weiner book, but I have to say, not too impressed so far. Then again, anything is more interesting than the crap I've been reading for my classes lately.
So okay, happy thoughts. I had a fun weekend, with lots of time with my totally platonic love interest. The Guy (remember last July's quasi-romantic saga?) is supposed to be swinging through town sometime this weekend, which should be fun. Might the Peacegrrl find herself in a compromising position in which she must weigh the ethics of perhaps being presented with the possibility of getting a little action against the fact that she has an enormous crush on someone else? We shall see. I'm headed to Texas for Thanskgiving in a week--yay for turkey, mom, and no work! The first snow is supposed to come this week, which is okay--the first snow is fine. It's all pretty and sparkly and fun for the first twenty-four hours. It's after the forty-fifth snow, when everything's covered in gray slush and the bottoms of all of my pants are eaten away by salt stains, that it really starts to get old. And that's all the good stuff I can come up with for the moment, although I'm sure there's lots more.
That's all for today...I'm off to a meeting and then my workday is officially over. Yay for getting to bed at a decent hour. I promise to post more often, bitching or no bitching.
-pg
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
The Week So Far
A rundown...
1. I bought the book Between A Rock And A Hard Place on Sunday and it's been practically impossible to put down. Holy crap. This guy's story is unbelievable. The way he describes his completely organic connection with the outdoors, his ascent to absolute despair and his climb out of it...damn, it's good. Favorite line so far: "A crystalline moment shatters and the world is a different place." Totally begs for reflection on my own "crystalline moments", but I don't think any experience I've had can compare with sitting trapped in a canyon for a week with my right arm jammed under a boulder...
2. The CD I can't stop listening to right now: Picaresque, by The Decemberists. The CD I plan to buy next: Elevator, by Hot Hot Heat. So much good music in the world, so little time.
3. My freakin' tooth is killing me. I have the toothache to end all toothaches. It's so bad I don't know if I'm going to make it in to work tommorow. It's getting yanked on Friday, and oh, how THAT thrills me. This hasn't really been my year, medically speaking.
4. My search for a Mature Relationship appears to be at a standstill for the moment. We're stuck. I don't know if this thing is ever going to get moving. I need to work on my patience where love is concerned. Any advice?
5. I've signed up for NaNoWriMo, which is short for "National Novel Writing Month," and it's this big thing where you try to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. This was the kick-off day, and I'm at something like 600 words. I think they're 600 words of crap, and you'll probably never see them (or any that follow), but the point is quantity, not necessarily quantity, and I want to see if I can actually hit the 50,000 goal. Among all of those words, there will hopefully be a few worth keeping and maybe doing something with. As if I really have any time for this...but I don't care--it's fun and if it means I get behind in a few other things, so be it. It's only a month.
6. This is Tequila, the new peacegrrl family pet:
1. I bought the book Between A Rock And A Hard Place on Sunday and it's been practically impossible to put down. Holy crap. This guy's story is unbelievable. The way he describes his completely organic connection with the outdoors, his ascent to absolute despair and his climb out of it...damn, it's good. Favorite line so far: "A crystalline moment shatters and the world is a different place." Totally begs for reflection on my own "crystalline moments", but I don't think any experience I've had can compare with sitting trapped in a canyon for a week with my right arm jammed under a boulder...
2. The CD I can't stop listening to right now: Picaresque, by The Decemberists. The CD I plan to buy next: Elevator, by Hot Hot Heat. So much good music in the world, so little time.
3. My freakin' tooth is killing me. I have the toothache to end all toothaches. It's so bad I don't know if I'm going to make it in to work tommorow. It's getting yanked on Friday, and oh, how THAT thrills me. This hasn't really been my year, medically speaking.
4. My search for a Mature Relationship appears to be at a standstill for the moment. We're stuck. I don't know if this thing is ever going to get moving. I need to work on my patience where love is concerned. Any advice?
5. I've signed up for NaNoWriMo, which is short for "National Novel Writing Month," and it's this big thing where you try to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. This was the kick-off day, and I'm at something like 600 words. I think they're 600 words of crap, and you'll probably never see them (or any that follow), but the point is quantity, not necessarily quantity, and I want to see if I can actually hit the 50,000 goal. Among all of those words, there will hopefully be a few worth keeping and maybe doing something with. As if I really have any time for this...but I don't care--it's fun and if it means I get behind in a few other things, so be it. It's only a month.
6. This is Tequila, the new peacegrrl family pet:
You can see the top of her bizarre, unexplainable mohawk/mullet hairdo in between her ears. How damn CUTE is she?
I guess I'll close with that. It's hard to come up with anything to follow puppy pictures.
-pg
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Some Thursday peppiness
Well, today is a better day. It probably shouldn't be--after all, I have a dentist appointment at 4, it's cloudy and freezing outside, and I'm in the midst of that one week a month that all females curse--but I find myself doing ok for a change. I aced a midterm (in a subject I don't even grasp), which is an awesome feeling--I can't believe I'm not flunking out of grad school in the midst of all the crappy stuff happening in my life. Even better, the apple pies that islegavia and I slaved over all day Sunday are a hit. We're quite the pie-baking power team, I tell you. I actually haven't tried any yet--was waiting for i to get back from a family emergency so we could sample them together--but tonight's the night. Mmmm....pie.
Let's see, what else isn't broken in my life right now? Things are improving with my sister--my bro-in-law is in treatment and hopefully sticks it out. At least sis is getting a chance to be on her own and get her head together a little bit. She's staying with peacegrrl mama, which makes me happy--I hate the thought of my ma being on her own so much of the time. There's a new doggie in the pg clan, too, a mutt named Tequila who supposedly has a mullet hairdo. I have yet to see this, but when I do, I'll be sure to post a picture. Speaking of dogs, this woman from a pet therapy they're starting on campus brought a beautiful golden retriever named Jake to our professional development meeting this morning, and I'm telling you, when that dog entered the room, you could literally feel the stress floating away. Dogs for everyone, I say. We're allowed to have cats, but they're snooty and they make me sneeze (no offense to georgia Q, vixen) so I haven't taken advantage of the priveledge.
Anyway, overall life doesn't suck too badly today. Boy stuff seems to be clicking along. The weekend is coming, payday is Monday, and the semester is over halfway finished. It's nice to have a reason to smile.
-pg
Let's see, what else isn't broken in my life right now? Things are improving with my sister--my bro-in-law is in treatment and hopefully sticks it out. At least sis is getting a chance to be on her own and get her head together a little bit. She's staying with peacegrrl mama, which makes me happy--I hate the thought of my ma being on her own so much of the time. There's a new doggie in the pg clan, too, a mutt named Tequila who supposedly has a mullet hairdo. I have yet to see this, but when I do, I'll be sure to post a picture. Speaking of dogs, this woman from a pet therapy they're starting on campus brought a beautiful golden retriever named Jake to our professional development meeting this morning, and I'm telling you, when that dog entered the room, you could literally feel the stress floating away. Dogs for everyone, I say. We're allowed to have cats, but they're snooty and they make me sneeze (no offense to georgia Q, vixen) so I haven't taken advantage of the priveledge.
Anyway, overall life doesn't suck too badly today. Boy stuff seems to be clicking along. The weekend is coming, payday is Monday, and the semester is over halfway finished. It's nice to have a reason to smile.
-pg
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Lots of stuff
So I know I've been slacking with the whole blog thing lately, and I'm sorry. But to tell you the truth, it's mainly because I can't find anything happy to write about and I'm tired of being a downer. I think my life is turning into the book of Job or something. Ed died. A week later, my dog died. Three weeks after that, my aunt had a stroke. And now my sister's in this relationship that has turned abusive. What more could happen? I keep saying it can't get any worse, and then it does. I try to have faith, and then everything falls apart and it's hard for me to hang on to any sort of optimism. I'm sick of dealing with one catastrophe after another, and sick of being alone in the midst of all of it. And now I'm starting to sound really whiny, so that's it--end of subject.
I know I haven't gone on in a while about guys, mainly because there have been way more important things to worry about, but rest assured, the peacegrrl manhunt continues. I think some progress has been made. I hope. I'm taking it slow. I think that the whole game we play when we're attracted to somebody is really pretty ridiculous, but I guess that's what separates us from the animals. Since I'm trying to enter the world of the emotionally mature relationship, I'm thinking patience is pretty important. Wish me luck.
So I had this totally fall weekend--I went to the apple orchard with my buddy islegavia and we baked pies all afternoon on Sunday. We were feeling very domestic. The leaves are really changing now, so it was beautiful at the orchard. But today it's feeling a lot more like winter, and we might even get a little snow this week--ick. I'm not ready for six months of darkness yet! I guess it's time to break out the flannel sheets and the long underwear. I feel like a seasoned veteran, having survived one northeast Ohio winter. At least this year I'm prepared for the misery. And it's almost cookie-baking time...mmm. Man, I'm starting to sound like betty crocker. Well, if the way to a guy's heart is through his stomach, hopefully I'll have them chasing me, right?
Right, so there wasn't much of a focus to this entry. Sorry about that. I promise I'll try to stop sounding like Debbie Downer and post more often. Send me some positive energy.
-pg
I know I haven't gone on in a while about guys, mainly because there have been way more important things to worry about, but rest assured, the peacegrrl manhunt continues. I think some progress has been made. I hope. I'm taking it slow. I think that the whole game we play when we're attracted to somebody is really pretty ridiculous, but I guess that's what separates us from the animals. Since I'm trying to enter the world of the emotionally mature relationship, I'm thinking patience is pretty important. Wish me luck.
So I had this totally fall weekend--I went to the apple orchard with my buddy islegavia and we baked pies all afternoon on Sunday. We were feeling very domestic. The leaves are really changing now, so it was beautiful at the orchard. But today it's feeling a lot more like winter, and we might even get a little snow this week--ick. I'm not ready for six months of darkness yet! I guess it's time to break out the flannel sheets and the long underwear. I feel like a seasoned veteran, having survived one northeast Ohio winter. At least this year I'm prepared for the misery. And it's almost cookie-baking time...mmm. Man, I'm starting to sound like betty crocker. Well, if the way to a guy's heart is through his stomach, hopefully I'll have them chasing me, right?
Right, so there wasn't much of a focus to this entry. Sorry about that. I promise I'll try to stop sounding like Debbie Downer and post more often. Send me some positive energy.
-pg
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Confessions
Can't think of anything interesting to write today, so I stole this from bookgerm's live journal.
x your confessions...
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I watch the news
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic
[x] I like Disney movies Exept for Pocahontas and all those Lion King sequels
[x] I curse regularly
[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[x] I have a job.
[x] I am self conscious
[X] I like to laugh.
[ ] I smoke a pack a day. I don't even smoke one a day anymore! :-)
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick. The Ricolla ones are tasty.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I have many scars.
[x] I've been out of this country.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love chocolate.
[ ] I am comfortable with being me. Only about half of the time
[x] I play computer games/video games when I'm bored "Shapeshifter" on MSN
[x] Gotten lost in the city. Houston
[x] I had a serious surgery.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.
[x] Hugged a stranger
[x] Been in a fist fight Fourth grade. Tetherball dispute.
[ ] Been arrested
[x] Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose.
[ ] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[x] Swore at your parents.
[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts. Only once, and it was necessary.
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[x] Broken a bone. My pinkee finger and my tailbone. Ha, I broke my ass!
[ ] Played spin the bottle.
[x] Gotten the chicken pox.
[x] Been fired. Well, sort of. I got offered a job once and then they took it back, does that count?
[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] Stole something from your job. Post-it notes...and the occasional non-work-related copy...
[x] Had a crush on a teacher/coach. Mr. Rodgriguez, 7th grade speech...Dr. Sanford, college Moral Issues class...Dr. Young, undergrad advisor
[x] Saw someone/something dying.
[x] Ridden over 400 miles in one day.
[x] Been on a plane.
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar.
[x] Eaten Sushi. Yummy.
[x] Met someone in person from the internet.
[ ] Been to a motocross show.
[ ] Done hard drugs
[ ] Cheated on someone else
*pass this on with your own confessions
x your confessions...
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I watch the news
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic
[x] I like Disney movies Exept for Pocahontas and all those Lion King sequels
[x] I curse regularly
[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[x] I have a job.
[x] I am self conscious
[X] I like to laugh.
[ ] I smoke a pack a day. I don't even smoke one a day anymore! :-)
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick. The Ricolla ones are tasty.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I have many scars.
[x] I've been out of this country.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love chocolate.
[ ] I am comfortable with being me. Only about half of the time
[x] I play computer games/video games when I'm bored "Shapeshifter" on MSN
[x] Gotten lost in the city. Houston
[x] I had a serious surgery.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.
[x] Hugged a stranger
[x] Been in a fist fight Fourth grade. Tetherball dispute.
[ ] Been arrested
[x] Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose.
[ ] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[x] Swore at your parents.
[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts. Only once, and it was necessary.
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[x] Broken a bone. My pinkee finger and my tailbone. Ha, I broke my ass!
[ ] Played spin the bottle.
[x] Gotten the chicken pox.
[x] Been fired. Well, sort of. I got offered a job once and then they took it back, does that count?
[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] Stole something from your job. Post-it notes...and the occasional non-work-related copy...
[x] Had a crush on a teacher/coach. Mr. Rodgriguez, 7th grade speech...Dr. Sanford, college Moral Issues class...Dr. Young, undergrad advisor
[x] Saw someone/something dying.
[x] Ridden over 400 miles in one day.
[x] Been on a plane.
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar.
[x] Eaten Sushi. Yummy.
[x] Met someone in person from the internet.
[ ] Been to a motocross show.
[ ] Done hard drugs
[ ] Cheated on someone else
*pass this on with your own confessions
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