Solitude

Remember that scene in "Bridget Jones's Diary" where she's thinking about being alone, and imagining that one day she'll be eaten by dogs and nobody will notice? I can relate to that after this weekend. It was one of those quiet times (which are so rare, I work with college students and weekends are normally no different from regular days) and I basically holed up in my apartment and slept. It was nice not to be bothered, but kind of depressing in a way. It's actually possible to go forty-eight hours without speaking to anyone. Living alone can be a blessing--you can walk around naked when you get out of the shower; nobody notices when you don't take the trash out for a day or two; drinking straight out of the orange juice carton is perfectly acceptable. But it sucks in its own way. When you feel like shit, nobody's there to bring you soup. Grocery shopping is a major pain; nothing is made for one, and then when you get home you have to cart everything inside by yourself. Cooking feels pointless.

I guess I'm just still moody from The Boy's departure. He used to fill a void. Now there's an empty hole. Granted, he was a lousy boyfriend. But crappy companionship sometimes seems favorable to no companionship at all. My girlfriends are terrific, but they can't take the place of intimacy. I'm good at relationships. At least I think so. My tragic flaw is my inability to pick the right guys to have them with. Nothing unusual about that. Nothing unusual about feeling sorry for yourself, either. I know nobody reads these rambles, but it makes me feel a little better to send them out into the universe. I'm sure thousands can relate. We single people need to form a vast network. To remind each other that we're really not alone, and to share our common miserable thoughts. In a world that moves in twos, singlehood is almost a disability. Maybe we need an amendmant to the constitution that protects us. From things like stares when you arrive at the movies dateless, or from meddling friends who set you up with lousy guys because they can't stand to see you alone. Anybody else think that's a good idea?
Peace out...
Peacegrrl