Fahrenhype 911?

So tonight Michael Moore's much-discussed "documentary" comes out. I will be among those in line to see it. I'm more than a little interested to see if it lives up to the hype--both good and bad.

I'm definitely a fan of Moore's', and I tend to agree with him more than I disagree with him. But I'm worried. I've heard a few disturbing things about the way this film is structured--that it leaves out a lot, that it takes things out of context, etc. I'm certainly not upset that it's one-sided. That's the whole damn point! As Moore himself has said, enough people have reported about the evils of Sadaam Hussein, the evils of terrorism, the evils of the Middle East in general. He's trying to show something else, something the media isn't terribly inclined to show--a critical view of a man who too many people take for granted as the Messiah of Judeo-Christian society. What I'm a bit concerned about is Moore's tendency to take too many sides, as long as it's a side against Bush. I'm worried that by making attacks that are based on actions and comments taken out of context or twisted around, we're going to end up undermining ourselves. I don't want to see the liberal-progressive movement damaged by someone whose intentions are good, but whose methods might not have been the best. Christopher Hitchens' article on Slate makes a decent case. I'm planning to go see it with an open mind--not accepting everything Moore says as the gospel truth (after all, if we do that, are we any better than the legions of Bush-worshippers?) but rather watching and listening, and maybe doing a little amateur fact-checking when I get home.

As for the other, non-political areas of my life: friends are good, family is good, guy-i'm-talking-to-but-haven't-really-met-yet is still a mystery, The Boy continues to fade out of my conscious mind but make surprise appearances in my dreams just to remind me that he's NOT really gone yet, and work is still quiet and boring and, in its own way, exhausting.

I have an idea for a new blog, not yet sure if I'm going to go ahead with it. One of my favorite books in the world is "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen. A social comedy that is sort of like the "Sex and the City" for early 19th century England, it begins with the line "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in posession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife." I started thinking about the "universally acknowledged truths" that rule our lives every day--as women, as SINGLE women, as students, as Americans, as quasi-intellectuals, as people sharing the planet. So many of these UAT's are absolute bullshit. I thought, wouldn't it be fun to sit down and pick a few of them apart? Wouldn't that make a good book? Well, the book idea is a bit epic for me, I can't even finish an essay or come to a logical conclusion on some of these blog entries. But maybe a blog might be fun. If I thought anybody would actually read it, I'd try it out.

This post is getting long, so it's time to go. The weekend promises to be anti-climactic, but I'm sure I will have plenty to say after I've seen the movie. Tootles...
-pg

Waiting Room

It's hard to describe exactly how I'm feeling these days. I guess "stuck in a waiting room" is the best phrase I can think of. I'm in between leaving behind an old job and starting a new one. I'm saying goodbye to a number of things in my life--old relationships, old habits, and getting ready for a future that at this point is extremely blurry. I'm second-guessing the decisions that I've made. It's a very, very weird place to be.

I saw The Boy two days ago. He made a surprise appearance at my doorstep. And I guess now I can see things a little more clearly than I could before. I said before that he dumped me, and that's not altogether true. The truth is he sort of left me behind. But I realize that it had to end the way it did--he doesn't know where on earth he's going, so how can I expect him to take me with him? Seeing him was bittersweet. It gave me closure that I've needed for a long time, gave me a longing for something that I got so close to. I mourn for what we didn't have and what we almost were. But I have faith that there was a reason for all of it. If I didn't believe that, I don't think I could live.

I've met someone new, okay, not really "met" yet, just pseudo-talking to him, one of the miracles of the informational age. The funny thing about all of that is that I'm more worried that he'll like me than I am that he won't. I'm about to move, so what's the point of starting something? Meeting someone new is so damned scary, anyway. Will he live up to the hype? Is he anything like the person he says he is? Am I anything like the person I say I am? Will I be good enough? There were times when marriages were arranged, when you didn't meet the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with until the morning before you exchanged vows. I'm not saying that was a good system, but in some ways it seems to beat the amount of time wasted blindly searching for someone to complete us. It's all such a damned headache and I just wish it would be over.

There really isn't much to say tonight. The wait goes on, I have a long list of unpleasant tasks to attend to (packing, for one), and the day I start an entirely new life is coming closer and closer. What the hell am I thinking, running off in the world like this, leaving everyone behind? I know, it's not like I'm off to Venezuela or anything, but still, it's the first big move of my life. Some people never venture more than a few hours away from their hometowns. I don't even have a hometown. I'm ready to move and terrified to move at the same time. So much is going on, and at the same time it feels like my world is at a complete and total standstill. What an oxymoron my life is becoming...
-Peacegrrl

Something new to babble about!

So it's time to stop talking about The Boy! I know it, you know it, we all know it. There is so much more to life, and looking back on my entries I can see how one-dimensional I seem to be. So now for something completely different...

Okay, the reality is that my life is rather lame and lonely just at the moment. I live in a dinky little town, so my time is spent between Austin and San Antonio visiting friends. And all and all, I think their lives are a lot more interesting than mine. There's Alicia, who lives in San Antonio and has a fantastic guy in her life. She's kind of the "voice of reason" in my life--where I'm scatterbrained and overemotional, she is mature and logical. I used to work with her, and she was a great mentor--I probably owe any professional growth I've managed to achieve in the past three years to her calming influence. Then there's Jenny, who lives just outside of San Antonio with two male roommates. I love hearing stories of the latest news in the house, what the boys are up to lately, from J.'s older-sister perspective. And there's my boy K-dog, who lives up in Austin. We discuss politics and I listen to him puzzle out his girlfriend issues, while he listens to my insecurities and yells at me.

And there are lots of other buddies spread all over the place, Lisa and Sarah from college, James from high school, Kristina over in San Marcos. I have this terrific support network, and it's ridiculous how rarely I reach out to them. When I have a problem, I totally withdraw into myself and refuse to contact the people who would help if I'd just ask for it. What is it about our twenties that makes us feel so isolated? Is it because we're done with college and we're not running into each other in class every day? Are we just too damned tired after our forty-hour workweeks and the stress of figuring out the next career move? How can we be too tired to have friends? It's completely ridiculous. I'm more than likely going to be leaving the state in a month, and I'm suddenly spending all of this time with the people close to me. Why did it take an impending move for me to reach out?

These are all questions that nobody has the answers to, and this post really has no point. I suppose the bottom line is that I'm blessed and I'm quick to forget it. If I'm isolated, it's because I choose to be. The people are there--I just have to make the effort to support them as much as they support me.
-pg

Blah

I haven't posted in a few weeks, mainly because I was convinced I didn't have anything interesting to say. But nobody's reading this thing anyway, so why should I self-edit?

The truth is that I'm in an "absence makes the heart grow fonder" phase. Instead of steadily getting over The Boy, I'm missing him more every day. It really is pathetic. The number of cigarettes I smoke every day is directly proportional to how lousy I'm feeling about the demise of our quasi-relationship, and I'm sorry to say that the number continues to creep up. I hate being this way, really, I do. I'm sad and grumpy and generally feeling sorry for myself.

People have different theories on how to cope with this sort of ordeal. Some say that rebound sex is the way to go. But there's no one around here for that, and besides, I don't really know if it's my thing. I've sent some not-too-subtle signals to a friend of a friend, and we'll see if anything comes of it, but I'm not optimistic. Besides, I have no doubt that it would be disappointing even if it did happen.

Another theory is that you should throw yourself into work. Work, it is assumed, will make you forget all about the tragedies of your personal life. Unfortunately, I work in college student affairs, and it's summer. There aren't any student affairs in summer. So work is boring, non-challenging, and sadly not anything to throw myself into at the moment.

I've been down this road before, and I guess my coping strategy is to just take it a day at a time. I'm moving soon, and I know that the adjustment of a new home, new responsibilities, and an entirely new social circle will probably distract me enough that I won't be sulking all the time. I can't wait to get the hell out of here. In the meantime, the limbo continues. The Boy will fade away into the recesses of my mind once enough time has gone by. I just wish there was a way to hurry the process up a little.
-Peacegrrl