I don't even know where to begin. I'm one of those nerds who still gets excited about the big Hollywood schmooze-fest. I love movies. And I mean it when I say that. I look forward to Fridays because Ebert's new reviews come out. The happiest month of my year is February, when Turner Classic Movies does the 31 Days of Oscar. I've been known to skip a meal so I can buy a movie ticket. I think movie critics have the best job in the world. So the Oscars are a big deal to me. And this year had so much potential...The Aviator, with Leo all grown up and the awesome sets and Cate Blanchett doing Katherine Hepburn...Hotel Rwanda, which seems to be way more socially relevant than The Passion, which the Academy fittingly snubbed...all this buzz about Sideways...and of course Clint's latest work of art. And Chris Rock hosting. How could it go wrong?
But it did, and drastically. The jokes were fairly funny, but nobody seemed to know whether or not to laugh. Sean Penn apparently has no sense of humor. Why oh why did we have to hear Beyonce sing three songs? The duet with Santana and Antonio Banderas lost me after about thirty seconds. And of course I was pissed about the cop-outs for best actor and actress. Of COURSE Jamie Foxx won, there was no way he couldn't have. And I'm not saying anything bad about his performance, but did we really have to hear the "i love my grandma" speech again? And does Hillary Swank really need another oscar? And while I truly, dearly love Clint Eastwood, won't SOMEBODY throw Martin Scorsese a bone? I'm telling you, last week's Apprentice had more suspense. The Academy better watch it, or pretty soon the Oscars will be as out of touch as The Grammys are...
So having said my piece about that, I will apologize for having taken so long to update this thing. It's been a bad two weeks, but that's no reason to ignore the blog. A synopsis of the last ten days or so: I'm getting over bronchitis, I've been dealing with some major politics at work, I had to pretend to be smart and do a presentation for class, and my current strategy of dealing with adversity by consuming massive quantities of chocolate mini-doughnuts seems to be taking its toll on my ass. On the upside, my friends have been fantastic. And yes, drumroll...there is a new man in my life! So far he seems to be passing muster: he's a liberal, he has a good job, the sense of humor is definitely happening, and he seems very amused by me, which I take as a good sign. More details will come as things progress, I promise. For now, wish me luck. After The Boy, The Guy I had to abandon, the one date wonder who never called, and no-eye-contact Blind Date man, don't I have have some goodness on the way? I know my life is a controlled disaster at best, and I should be focused on getting myself in order and finding my identity and all that crap, I am SO ready to be finished with this stupid game and find someone to settle down with! Geez, I'm starting to REEK of desperation.
I'm off now to run a staff meeting and then head home and pray for a snow day tommorrow. If I have to freeze my ass off, drive around in this crap, and risk cracking my head open every time I try to walk across campus in the slush, at the very least don't you think a free day off is in order?
-pg
Monday, February 28, 2005
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Snow with sunshine, and other stuff
Right now it's about 25 degrees outside. It's incredibly windy, snowing like crazy...and THE SUN IS OUT. What the HELL is that? And three days ago it was 65. I know, I know, some of you are probably sick of my comments about the weather in Ohio. But come on!!! This is seriously wierd stuff! I could theoretically get myself a tan while I shovel the snow out from behind my truck. Bizzare. Is it the sign of end times?
I'm sick of this week. It started with a 13-hour drive to and from Indiana in the rain. Then I had a horrible, awful confrontation with a staff member--it's been an ongoing problem, and in a few hours, it's going to end. Some people are able to leave work at work. It's a little harder for me, living on campus, but I think it would be difficult regardless. I take everything personally. When I am not able to do a good enough job of educating someone, helping them move past their mistakes and change their behavior for the better, I feel like a failure. I wonder what I could have done differently--could I have been more patient? More helpful? More understanding? I know that it's out of my hands for the most part. But I don't take any pleasure in having to give up on someone.
Enough bummage, and on to good stuff. I bought God's Politics at the bookstore on Tuesday, and I can't put it down. It's SO right on. Buy it. Read it. Call me up and we'll discuss it. This book actually makes me want to change the world. And my buddy Mikey introduced me to Sorryeverybody.com, the coolest site I've seen in a while...oh yeah, and the Knitty.com new winter patterns are up, whoo-hoo! I think this weekend a visit to the yarn store might be warranted...after all, I've managed to stay away for over two whole months...
Well, I've got a meeting across campus to trudge through the snow for, so that's all for now. I'll try to stay warm and upbeat, and hope this week doesn't get any stranger...
-pg
I'm sick of this week. It started with a 13-hour drive to and from Indiana in the rain. Then I had a horrible, awful confrontation with a staff member--it's been an ongoing problem, and in a few hours, it's going to end. Some people are able to leave work at work. It's a little harder for me, living on campus, but I think it would be difficult regardless. I take everything personally. When I am not able to do a good enough job of educating someone, helping them move past their mistakes and change their behavior for the better, I feel like a failure. I wonder what I could have done differently--could I have been more patient? More helpful? More understanding? I know that it's out of my hands for the most part. But I don't take any pleasure in having to give up on someone.
Enough bummage, and on to good stuff. I bought God's Politics at the bookstore on Tuesday, and I can't put it down. It's SO right on. Buy it. Read it. Call me up and we'll discuss it. This book actually makes me want to change the world. And my buddy Mikey introduced me to Sorryeverybody.com, the coolest site I've seen in a while...oh yeah, and the Knitty.com new winter patterns are up, whoo-hoo! I think this weekend a visit to the yarn store might be warranted...after all, I've managed to stay away for over two whole months...
Well, I've got a meeting across campus to trudge through the snow for, so that's all for now. I'll try to stay warm and upbeat, and hope this week doesn't get any stranger...
-pg
Friday, February 11, 2005
Items of Note
So first of all, it's after five on a friday and I'm in the office updating my blog. I am a loser, loser, loser!!!!
Secondly, I have spent my day sitting at my desk, eating chocolate mini-donuts, looking for a pattern for a knitted ipod cozy (I'm making it for a guy, I am SUCH a loser!), and getting mad at the piece of crap res services room change website that doesn't update automatically so now two residents are pissed at me because I tried to move them into a room that isn't empty. And I WONDER why my stomach doesn't feel quite right now...
Third: I'm back in the world of the insomniacs. Up 'til 4am last night, despite 1)no caffeine after 7pm, 2)a majorly painful workout, and 3)boring reading assignments for class, which usually do the trick. So I watched Bridget Jones's Diary again. Read an old O magazine. Unloaded the dishwasher. And, of course, overslept this morning. I am so out of whack these days!
It is the Lenten season, and being a (somewhat wayward, way too progressive) Christian, I've been reflecting. It started with my last post (and thanks LD and Vixen for the encouraging comments!). I'm bugging people to hold me accountable and point out the times that stupidity seems to come flying out of my mouth (or keyboard, as the case may be). I'm trying to stop worrying so much about things totally out of my control...you know, the really deep questions, like will the new dude I'm talking to turn out to be a loser?, Does The Boy ever even think about me?, and Why in God's name did The Guy's new girlfriend feel the need to IM me last week? I think for me, right now, faith means accepting that I don't know everything, and all that love crap will work itself out as long as I take care of my own issues.
Enough insight. I am off in search of a non-donut substance, and then moving my buddy KN out to Talmadge. A happy weekend to all, and ignore all that Valentine's Day bullshit. Love doesn't have to pick a certain day of the year. I'm convinced that VDay was invented (besides as a ploy to make a ton of money on crappy chocolate and Zale's diamonds) to make single people feel even more like social outcasts. So let's protest the damn thing.
Later...
-pg
Secondly, I have spent my day sitting at my desk, eating chocolate mini-donuts, looking for a pattern for a knitted ipod cozy (I'm making it for a guy, I am SUCH a loser!), and getting mad at the piece of crap res services room change website that doesn't update automatically so now two residents are pissed at me because I tried to move them into a room that isn't empty. And I WONDER why my stomach doesn't feel quite right now...
Third: I'm back in the world of the insomniacs. Up 'til 4am last night, despite 1)no caffeine after 7pm, 2)a majorly painful workout, and 3)boring reading assignments for class, which usually do the trick. So I watched Bridget Jones's Diary again. Read an old O magazine. Unloaded the dishwasher. And, of course, overslept this morning. I am so out of whack these days!
It is the Lenten season, and being a (somewhat wayward, way too progressive) Christian, I've been reflecting. It started with my last post (and thanks LD and Vixen for the encouraging comments!). I'm bugging people to hold me accountable and point out the times that stupidity seems to come flying out of my mouth (or keyboard, as the case may be). I'm trying to stop worrying so much about things totally out of my control...you know, the really deep questions, like will the new dude I'm talking to turn out to be a loser?, Does The Boy ever even think about me?, and Why in God's name did The Guy's new girlfriend feel the need to IM me last week? I think for me, right now, faith means accepting that I don't know everything, and all that love crap will work itself out as long as I take care of my own issues.
Enough insight. I am off in search of a non-donut substance, and then moving my buddy KN out to Talmadge. A happy weekend to all, and ignore all that Valentine's Day bullshit. Love doesn't have to pick a certain day of the year. I'm convinced that VDay was invented (besides as a ploy to make a ton of money on crappy chocolate and Zale's diamonds) to make single people feel even more like social outcasts. So let's protest the damn thing.
Later...
-pg
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Okay, I take it back.
The meaningless sex comment, I mean. I've been thinking a lot about relationships, quasi-relationships, and the lack of value that I seem to have been putting on myself and my own standards in some of the situations I've found myself in lately.
I guess it started a few days ago when I talked to a person with whom I had sort of a fling a few years ago. There was something about the way he talked to me--like I was an object or something, some kind of enigma that existed only for his happiness and pleasure. About halfway through the conversation, I made two serious revalations. One: I was dealing with a total asshole. And two: I've sent the wrong message about myself, or else why would he think he could get away with that?
I used to pride myself on being very open and honest about sex, men, and relationships. I hated the idea that it was okay for men to lay it out on the table, but for women there seem to be all of these taboo subjects. So I chose to ignore the "rules" regarding what women can say about sexuality. I liked to think of myself as free and open-minded, and feel sorry for those who couldn't be more honest about their feelings and desires. But I reflect on where that attitude has gotten me in the past five years. A string of flings, one fairly meaningful relationship that ended in disaster, and a whole lot of frustration. Sure, I'm never really alone for long, but I still always manage to feel lonely in the midst of my botched romances.
I worry that I've held myself at too low of a price. That people look at me and think I don't want the traditional things that come with relationships: security, respect, even love. I've objectified sex and made it something that's not connected nearly enough to those things, so maybe the guys I've dated lately figure they can get away with not giving them to me.
I don't know what the answer to all of this is--I want to stop sending the wrong message about myself, and yet I don't want to give up honesty and independance. But all I know is that I'm tired of feeling the way I do right now, of letting people like that asshole think they can talk to me that way. I deserve SO much better than that. To quote my friend islegavia: "didn't he know he was in the presence of a goddess?" Does the message I send about myself bear any resemblance to the person I really am? It's time to think about that.
-peacegrrl
I guess it started a few days ago when I talked to a person with whom I had sort of a fling a few years ago. There was something about the way he talked to me--like I was an object or something, some kind of enigma that existed only for his happiness and pleasure. About halfway through the conversation, I made two serious revalations. One: I was dealing with a total asshole. And two: I've sent the wrong message about myself, or else why would he think he could get away with that?
I used to pride myself on being very open and honest about sex, men, and relationships. I hated the idea that it was okay for men to lay it out on the table, but for women there seem to be all of these taboo subjects. So I chose to ignore the "rules" regarding what women can say about sexuality. I liked to think of myself as free and open-minded, and feel sorry for those who couldn't be more honest about their feelings and desires. But I reflect on where that attitude has gotten me in the past five years. A string of flings, one fairly meaningful relationship that ended in disaster, and a whole lot of frustration. Sure, I'm never really alone for long, but I still always manage to feel lonely in the midst of my botched romances.
I worry that I've held myself at too low of a price. That people look at me and think I don't want the traditional things that come with relationships: security, respect, even love. I've objectified sex and made it something that's not connected nearly enough to those things, so maybe the guys I've dated lately figure they can get away with not giving them to me.
I don't know what the answer to all of this is--I want to stop sending the wrong message about myself, and yet I don't want to give up honesty and independance. But all I know is that I'm tired of feeling the way I do right now, of letting people like that asshole think they can talk to me that way. I deserve SO much better than that. To quote my friend islegavia: "didn't he know he was in the presence of a goddess?" Does the message I send about myself bear any resemblance to the person I really am? It's time to think about that.
-peacegrrl
Monday, February 07, 2005
Monday stuff
On Friday night I went out to a local bar, and really, I should know better. I'm in a college town, for crying out loud. If I've had a long week dealing with frustrating undergrads, the last place I need to go is a smoke-filled hole packed with them! I was with my friends, and the conversation and alcohol were good, but the sweaty, short frat boy who sloshed his beer onto my shoe as he crossed the bar and belted out I Put Your Picture Away (the Sheryl Crow part, mind you) was sort of a buzzkill. Ick. Was I ever that obnoxious? Okay, probably yes. But I am older now and I can be judgmental if I want to. It begs the question, am I too old to go out and party? Has the joy of alcohol been eclipsed by the disgust at the 21-year olds who don't know what to do with it? Hmmm.
So, onto one of my favorite topics: bootie. Valentine's Day is coming, and of course I'm not getting any action. I've still got my little crush, but I'm not so sure about the guy now. I'm equally drawn to and repelled by him. Drawn because he's cute and smart and funny, and repelled because he's also kind of wierd. He seems to get distracted pretty easily, which means he'd probably be a lousy boyfriend. And the other day he was over at my place and left the toilet seat up, which I am NOT cool with. But maybe I'm nitpicking. There's this new guy I'm talking to now, too. As always, I'm not so sure it will develop into anything, but he seems nice--he makes a decent living, likes good music, thinks Bush is a moron. We'll see what develops. Really I think I just need meaningless sex. Okay, I know that's probably shocking to some of you, because it's just not a ladylike thing to say, but let's call it what it is. I don't think I have time for a relationship, but I'd sure like to fool around with somebody, if only for the release. That's probably why I've had a damn headache forever--it's weeks and weeks of sexual tension. Kids, wait until marriage, I'm telling you, because sex is like Pringles--once you pop, you can't stop. Oooh, that was awful, wasn't it? I've been watching too much Sex and The City again...
Okay, now that I've thoroughly embarrased myself, I think I'll go. Have a good week, and those of you with significant others, get a little extra action for me!
-pg
So, onto one of my favorite topics: bootie. Valentine's Day is coming, and of course I'm not getting any action. I've still got my little crush, but I'm not so sure about the guy now. I'm equally drawn to and repelled by him. Drawn because he's cute and smart and funny, and repelled because he's also kind of wierd. He seems to get distracted pretty easily, which means he'd probably be a lousy boyfriend. And the other day he was over at my place and left the toilet seat up, which I am NOT cool with. But maybe I'm nitpicking. There's this new guy I'm talking to now, too. As always, I'm not so sure it will develop into anything, but he seems nice--he makes a decent living, likes good music, thinks Bush is a moron. We'll see what develops. Really I think I just need meaningless sex. Okay, I know that's probably shocking to some of you, because it's just not a ladylike thing to say, but let's call it what it is. I don't think I have time for a relationship, but I'd sure like to fool around with somebody, if only for the release. That's probably why I've had a damn headache forever--it's weeks and weeks of sexual tension. Kids, wait until marriage, I'm telling you, because sex is like Pringles--once you pop, you can't stop. Oooh, that was awful, wasn't it? I've been watching too much Sex and The City again...
Okay, now that I've thoroughly embarrased myself, I think I'll go. Have a good week, and those of you with significant others, get a little extra action for me!
-pg
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Cranky
I am enormously pissy today. Have been all week, as a matter of fact. I've had a headache for three days, I'm stressing out about a staff problem that I can't seem to fix no matter what I do, I miss my mom, and it's starting to feel like Friday will NEVER get here. And I just found out that while Modest Mouse will be in Houston on Feb. 20, they aren't coming anywhere near Ohio. I'm not motivated to do anything productive--hence I'm posting on the blog. I don't want to talk to anyone, which is a bad, bad thing when your job is to be available for students. So I slap on a smile whenever somebody walks into the office and I take care of whatever the problem is (usually they want to change rooms, which still makes me laugh--you've been living with this person for six months now, and suddenly you just can't stand it anymore?) as quickly as possible, so I can go back to sitting here in solitude and waiting for it to be 5 so I can leave.
It's just a bad day.
And yes, for all the male readers who are thinking, whoa, hormones, okay, I'll admit it. I'm irrationally crabby, I feel ugly, I don't even want to talk to my friends, and it's PMS. Are you satisfied? Being a woman is sickening, I tell you. I hate knowing that for two to three days each month I will be a total bitch and have very little control over it. A lot of women use PMS as a crutch for their generally bad dispositions. And others get really pissed off when men simplify every problem into a hormone issue (and you guys really do that, and we REALLY hate it). As for me, I like to pretend there isn't any such thing as PMS, that it's all in my head and if I don't acknowledge it, it doesn't really exist. Which doesn't work, which makes me even pissier than I would be if I just accepted it in the first place. There is an upside, though. This is the only time of the month when I'm genuinely glad that there is no man in my life. At least I don't have to worry about snapping at him for no reason, or getting all pissed off when he gives me a wierd look when I finish a pint of Ben and Jerry's, or having him all up on me when I feel gross and don't want to deal with people. See, I do have a gift for pointing out the positives, don't I?
Anyway, the Apprentice is on tonight, so there is reason to be a little cheery. And tommorow IS Friday, and a weekend of laziness approaches. So that's all for today, and in the interest of sharing my bad mood, here's the full-text of last night's state of the union. Blehhhh....
-peacegrrl
It's just a bad day.
And yes, for all the male readers who are thinking, whoa, hormones, okay, I'll admit it. I'm irrationally crabby, I feel ugly, I don't even want to talk to my friends, and it's PMS. Are you satisfied? Being a woman is sickening, I tell you. I hate knowing that for two to three days each month I will be a total bitch and have very little control over it. A lot of women use PMS as a crutch for their generally bad dispositions. And others get really pissed off when men simplify every problem into a hormone issue (and you guys really do that, and we REALLY hate it). As for me, I like to pretend there isn't any such thing as PMS, that it's all in my head and if I don't acknowledge it, it doesn't really exist. Which doesn't work, which makes me even pissier than I would be if I just accepted it in the first place. There is an upside, though. This is the only time of the month when I'm genuinely glad that there is no man in my life. At least I don't have to worry about snapping at him for no reason, or getting all pissed off when he gives me a wierd look when I finish a pint of Ben and Jerry's, or having him all up on me when I feel gross and don't want to deal with people. See, I do have a gift for pointing out the positives, don't I?
Anyway, the Apprentice is on tonight, so there is reason to be a little cheery. And tommorow IS Friday, and a weekend of laziness approaches. So that's all for today, and in the interest of sharing my bad mood, here's the full-text of last night's state of the union. Blehhhh....
-peacegrrl
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