The moodiest person I know

That would be me. I'm honestly starting to think I'm some kind of freak. Last week and the week before, I was a bundle of nerves, stress, and depression. This week, I'm a bundle of nerves, stress, and strange euphoria. I look back at journal entries from January, when I was on an optimism kick, and I wonder, who the hell was that? Then I look at stuff from last week, when I was doom-and-gloom and thoroughly obnoxious to all of my wonderful friends who are good enough to put up with me, and I think, well, who the hell was that?

Grr. My life is filled with uncertainties, and I deal with uncertainty as unproductively as possible. I worry about it, talk about it, write about it, obsess over it, and don't do much about it. Cases in point: I need to finalize my degree plan so I can graduate in August...but instead of going through the somewhat tedious process, I simply COMPLAIN about it. I don't sleep well, so I take sleeping medicine, but then I proceed to worry about the implications of taking it--will I get addicted? Do I really need it? Am I going to start sleeping too much? I need to confront a relationship that has gotten complicated and started to spill over the borders of a platonic friendship, but instead of having the talk, I worry about having the talk: have I been misinterpreting everything? Will I get rejected? Will I get depressed if I get rejected? How depressed? BLAH.

I am in a funk today. I slept without a sleeping pill last night, which means I had an actual dream (instead of the normal Ambien blackness). It was one that goes on forever, continues after you wake up, hit snooze, and doze back off; one that sticks with you all day. Super wierd, all about Casey (formerly The Guy, remember?), who I haven't spoken to in forever, so I have absolutely no idea where the hell it came from. Don't you hate it when you have a dream like that, that clings and leaves you with an anxious, confused feeling? At least I'm in a good mood. The semester is very quickly coming to a close, summer stretches out with at least the strong possibility that I will graduate, and the sun is out. Life could most certainly be worse.