Damn the Spam

Just wanted to let everybody know that I've turned on word verification for comments, which means that before the blog will publish your comments you'll have to type in a word that appears in a funky little box on your screen. Why have I added this extra step? Because I'm tired of getting comments that link me to websites on how to get rid of my back pain, where to find a better mortage rate, etc. Spam has found the bloggers. Curse the day. Comments are one of the coolest things about the blog, and now they've been perverted. Hopefully this will help without making the process of entering a comment such a pain in the ass that nobody bothers anymore!
-pg

More good stuff

Okay, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Seriously. Things are going way too well. Maybe it's lack of sleep that's making me so damn peppy...I haven't gotten more than an average of 4-5 hours a night in a while. In any case, the week goes on and every day seems to kick a little more ass than the one before it. First off, I TOTALLY got a raise yesterday!!! Whoo-hoo!!!! Here's to a living wage! Next, my learning community actually has a budget (well, it's really, really small, but it's something...) thanks to our benevolent associate director. Then this morning I went to a post-op followup with my Dr. (who happens to be the coolest ob-gyn EVER, she actually listens to me instead of breezing me in and out of the office in five minutes...) and found out that everything looks good and there's nothing wrong with me that can't be fixed pretty easily. Of course I was so pleased that I had to run to the yarn store and reward myself by spending way too much on this hand-dyed stuff and a new wool-silk blend that I can't wait to get into. I'm such a nerd. And then I had a good meeting, and a quiet afternoon, and tonight is the last night of the week that I have a class or a meeting or office hours after five. Plus two weeks from tommorow I'm going back down to Texas for a few days--I bought the ticket yesterday and actually got a good deal. This is wierd. My life feels like it's coming together. I'm trying not to hold on to the feeling too tightly or it'll whiz right by.

And as for the man stuff...well, something feels like it's happening, I don't know what it is, if anything, and I don't feel like tearing it apart with my over-analyzing and obsessing. Does this mean I'm actually turning into a grownup?

Well, I don't know why things are making sense all of a sudden--maybe it's perspective brought on by large natural disasters and family losses. Maybe I really am turning a corner into adulthood. Or maybe, as was mentioned above, I'm suffering from some kind of euphoric side effect to insomnia. Whatever. It works for me.

A good day

It's happy times in Peacegrrl land today. I know...this is highly unusual. And on a MONDAY, nonetheless. But I just can't be pissy right now. Here's why...first, my family escaped Rita without even a power outage. The worst result of the storm for peacegrrl mama was that she said she'd been eating chicken for six days (apparently that's what they stocked up on...), was sick of chicken, never wanted to see chicken again, but the only restaurant or store open within ten miles was Luther's, at which there was a 45-minute line, which she stood in, and then proceeded to buy $65 worth of barbeque. That's my family for you--forget all the other worries of the world. We draw the line when it comes to food! :-)

Second, I had a good weekend. A really good one. That's all I'll say. If you're dying for details, e-mail me

Finally, I came into my office this afternoon and did not have a single nasty message on my voicemail from a student (or worse, a parent) wanting a room change. This is a rare, happy occasion. I have learned to curse the red "you have mail" light on my office phone.

It's also fall, which is my favorite season. Any morning now, I'll wake up and go outside, and the air outside will have changed to cool, and then the leaves will turn, and them somebody will burn them in their yard and the air will have that great autumn smell. I guess fall is all about endings--the end of warm weather, summer, the growing season--but I always feel optimistic during September and October. Fall in Ohio is a different world for me. Texas has its own version of fall, maybe not as spectacular as in other places, but we get the cooler days, the smells, and in some spots even the changing leaves. But up here the trees just totally glow before their leaves fall away. The salt bins start appearing all over campus. I can break out the scarf stash. And I relish ever minute of sunlight before the gloomy winter rolls in.

I know, I'm being a little over-poetic. I can't help it...I'm happy. Or I feel like I'm on the way to happy. The best thing about a new beginning is that there's no guarantee of how it will turn out...and although you can assume the worst, which is what I'm occasionally prone to do, you can also assume the best. And then enjoy the ride. That's what my mom and Ed did from the beginning. I feel very compelled to follow their example.
-pg

!!!!!

I honestly can't believe it. Is God trying to tell us something? Is global warming really THAT out of control? What the hell is happening? I could go on and on about the bigger issues at hand--the thousands of evacuees that found refuge in Houston, who probably feel like the hurricanes are chasing them...the craziness on I-45...the repeat flooding in the Ninth Ward of New Orleans that seems bent on wiping the neighborhood off the map. But what I'm really worried about right now is my own family. They haven't even had a chance to start grieving the loss of Ed, and suddenly they're having to board up windows, buy supplies (ha! Between the price gouging and the mass chaos, they were lucky to gather up the bare necessities this week!), plan for a power outage (my mother is an insulin-dependant diabetic, so she's trying to stock up on ice) and get ready to sit through Rita. At least they're far enough inland that they didn't get evacuated, but having survived the Houston flood of 2001, I'm incredibly nervous. Once again, I feel totally helpless from a thousand miles away. Why is all of this happening? Will life ever be normal again? I'm starting to have my doubts.

At least it makes the petty little problems of my life seem a bit less important. The ramblings about my angst over changing friendships and stupid boy problems seem kind of silly right now. I've never spent so much time counting my blessings and feeling gratitude for the amount of support the people of my life have provided to me in the last few hellish weeks. In the grand scheme of things, my life is good. Really good. It's time to seriously dial back the sarcasm and pessimism. At least for a few weeks, anyway.

In the midst of all of the crap going on, unbelievably, my love life seems to be progressing. I think. I'm not sure. I'm leaning on the wisdom I gleaned from He's Just Not That Into You, and trying not to get too excited. But he really, really seems interested. A pseudo-date is in the works for this weekend. Am I finally headed for a real relationship? Better not get my hopes up...well, maybe a little is ok.

It's Friday, the first Friday in three weeks that I'm not either at home or taking narcotic pain relievers. I'm hoping there's a little relaxation involved, but I think I'm probably going to spend most of it glued to the weather channel and waiting to hear from my mom. Let's hope that Monday doesn't bring reports of the same kind of misery we saw four weeks ago.
-pg

Peace, finally.

Goodbye, Ed...and thanks for the love and blessings that you brought into my life. I will never, ever, forget you.
-pg

Holy crap

OK, I honestly don't think things could get any crazier in my world. Last week I had to go flying down to Texas because things are NOT good at home. Ed is slipping away from us way faster than we expected, so I needed to be with the family. And then I turned around and came back to the worst damn roommate conflict I've ever seen and a stack of incident reports for drunk residents, and tommorow I go in for surgery. Shit! It's too much! I feel like I'm being pulled in four hundred different directions! I'm almost looking forward to surgery. Nobody can call me, page me, or bug me for at least a few hours. Seriously, though, I feel absolutely no equilibrium. I know that this, too, shall pass, but I honestly feel like I'm about to explode.

I don' t have much time to write, but I wanted to update with the latest. Things with the Peacegrrl are beyond chaotic right now. There are a few good things happening...I'm totally gone over this new guy, which is always a diversion...my staff is fantastic...my buildings are still standing and my learning community is intact and going pretty well. And last week during my emergency visit home, I got to see an old friend from college--he was part of yet another pg saga, but it's all ancient history and it was good to catch up. The new issue of Knitty is up, too, which is fun times. See, I'm working on the whole "positive outlook" thing. I think sometimes islegavia wants to pop me upside the head because of my negativity...I'm so blessed to have friends and family who put up with me. I need to do more to let them know how much I love and appreciate them.

It's time to bail...I can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight, so I'd better grab something while I still can. Don't worry, I'll update again soon. I'm due for a nice long post on the mysteries of the men in my life...
-pg

p.s. If you do the prayer thing, throw in a word or two for Ed and mama peacegrrl...things are a little rough right now. Thanks...

Perspectives

I have a knack for seeing the "downer" in just about anything. I'm also pretty good at finding people and entities to lash out at when something's happening that I can't explain or understand. My last post came from that place. The truth is, I'm still disheartened and disappointed with the lack of preparation for something we should have expected. But I needed to hear good news, and I thank Vixen and CL for reminding me that all is not lost. My home state is opening its arms like never before. (Although I just heard on the news that Gov. Rick Perry wants to start turning people away because Texas is becoming too strained. For the love. It takes three days just to drive across the damn state. I don't think it's going to burst at the seams anytime soon...but look at me, bitching again. I digress.) I'm pretty proud to be a Texan at the current moment. I wish I could drop everything and head home, be with my family, and give my time to the people who seem to need more help than even my students right now.

I can't go anywhere, though, so I'm trying to round up a shipment of clothing, since I read online that the City Waste Management services are taking it to donate to the different shelters around the city. And I'm taking stock. Why is it that disasters are needed in order for people to figure out what's important to them? When things are going well, we get mired in the mundane and find little things to worry and complain about. It takes a shakeup of Biblical proportions to help us remember to treat each other well, to relish our time on earth. It seems blasphemous to imagine any good coming out of this terrible time, but if we emerge on the other side of this nightmare to be a more humane society, even to the tiniest degree...well, that would be something.
-pg

Broken hearted

I am disillusioned by what is happening in my country.

It was easy for us to rally together as a nation after September 11. We were united against a common enemy. People of all colors, creeds, and socio-economic status were affected. We didn't dare criticize our government, at least not during those first hours. We were unprepared, yes, but we pulled ourselves together and by a day or two after the attacks, there was a sense of control. We were still terrified, but we were cleaning up.

Three days after New Orleans fell apart, we're hearing about a city in complete chaos. Trucks are driving right by people in need. Aid isn't making it to where it's most critical. One day the police are ignorning looters so they can rescue the living; the next day they're told to abandon the rescue efforts and go after the criminals. Buses are taking people to Houston and San Antonio, but they aren't telling their passengers where they're headed. These people don't have television sets. They aren't watching MSNBC as events unfold. Somebody tells them to get on a bus, and they do it--with no idea when they'll be back, when they'll see the rest of their families again. FEMA goes on and on about how it's doing the best it can, but the reality is that there was absolutely no preparation, no game plan, no idea of what to do. It's not as though the idea of a major hurricane hitting New Orleans was out of the question. The city is below sea level, and it's on the gulf coast. How hard is it to put two and two together? Why hasn't our government bothered to prepare for something that we always knew was coming?

And what makes me even sicker is the fact that this disaster didn't affect all people equally. Some were able to get out--to pack up their valuables, gather up their families, load into their SUVs and head for hotels and relatives out of harm's way. But the poor, the folks without cars, without the money to buy gas, without anyplace to go--they're the ones stuck in the Superdome, stuck on the side of the highway surrounded by the dead and dying, stuck in the Convention Center watching the National Guard trucks drive right by. They couldn't leave. They didn't have a choice. And now as a country we seem to have absolutely no idea what to do with them.

This morning the Congressional Black Caucus held a press conference and expressed a harsh reality: there's no denying the reality that many, if not most, of the poor and suffering in New Orleans are people of color. They were in dire straights before Katrina even existed, and now they have nothing left, and no assurance that help is on the way. I am relieved to hear Bush say that the relief efforts thus far are "unacceptable," but that's not enough. There is no excuse for a country as rich as the United States to leave thousands of its citizens without food, water, hygiene, and shelter. Somebody needs to get control and make something happen.

Like most people, I've always had faith in my country. I always believed that no matter what bad things happened, we'd be taken care of. The goodness of human nature would prevail, and the resources of my government would come to my aid. Weren't we raised to believe that "the US is the best country in the world?"

Today that faith is shaken to the core.