Healthy food sucks

I just ate this "sugar-free" tastykake thing, because it's supposed to be all low-carb and whatever, and it tasted like absolute crap. I know. I'm finally living in a place where I can FIND tastykakes (for those who haven't discovered the joy, they're what Hostess wishes they could be. Yum.), and I wasted my three bucks on the nasty "healthy" version. Bleh! I swear to you, I would have the body of Sarah Jessica Parker if I just didn't like to eat so much. Maybe it's in my Sicilian genes--I'm just not MEANT to be a little skinny person. It would be nice to have a totally perfect little body, but then I wouldn't have my curves...and from what I hear about the Ohio winter, I'll be happy to have the extra insulation.

Anyway, enough about my body-image issues. Today is a semi-blah, semi-okay day. Work is draining, as always, but I'm making a conscious effort to stop being such a pessimistic bitch and start looking on the bright side of things. In an effort to get the hell off campus and pretend to start having a non-work life, I dragged myself out of bed this Sunday and headed off to church. I know...when most people my age want to get a life, they do the bar/club thing. I went with religion. Not sure which is a better option, to be honest. Anyway, it was kind of nice, everyday families and old people as opposed to throngs of scantily-clad freshmen. I may even go back. Church can actually be really uplifting--if you find one that doesn't cram anything down your throat or judge you. You get time to sit, to chill, to meditate on God (or your version of a higher power). For me, it's one time when I can't distract myself with anything else--work, guy problems, family stress, whatever. Prayer is repetitive and somewhat reassuring. It gives me a chance to make my mind be still. And the singing is the best part. I'm comforted by the fact that every Lutheran church in the world sings the same old songs. It's kind of like finding a McDonald's in a foreign country--at least you know ONE thing will be familiar. Faith is a funny thing. If you think about it too hard, it's so easy to talk yourself out of it. But then sometimes you find a moment in your life when you just give up and figure to hell with it, I can't fix everything! That's where I'm trying to be right now.

Let's face it--I hate it when people are mad at me. I hate it when I can't give somebody the right answer, or when I screw up and I don't feel like any amount of apologizing will make it better. And most of all I hate it when people don't like me for no good reason! I'm pissy these days because life is not perfect--it's sloppy and boring and stressful and lonely, and I question the wisdom of moving so far away from everything that I knew and cared about. But it'll pass. If it doesn't, I'll only have myself to blame. I won't put myself into a comfortable box and stay there for the rest of my life. I can't. Yeah, maybe in two years I'll be right back in Texas, but at least I'll be able to say I did something else for a while. When I feel like this, I get anxious and moody and cranky, but I also have to believe that if I don't let a little homesickness and disillusionment get to me, things are going to be fine.

Wow, this didn't feel like the day for a profound "feelings" post, but there you have it. I'm sure I'll have something less heavy to say in a few days. The presidential debates are coming up, and I imagine they'll provide plenty of sillier things to talk about. I wonder how much time we're going to waste with crap like gay marriage? And will Kerry be able to stand up to Bush's "good-old-boy" redneck appeal with his dry rich-kid ways? It's an interesting time we live in, folks...
-pg