First off, the very nice housekeeper came by earlier and vacuumed my entire office. And then I spent the afternoon stuffing my face with Munchies Ultimate Cheddar Snack Mix, and now there are little pieces of Crispix all over the floor. I am a slob.
Next, my credit score sucks, which I pretty much suspected, but it still stings to know that I was right. I'm trying to avoid working this summer by saving money so I can just take classes and hopefully blow through this degree a little faster, but now I'm not so sure. Ten-month contracts are bullshit, I say.
Finally, my friend from Jersey is leaving the department today, and it bums me out. A lot of people are leaving lately. It started with wonderful Erin back in the fall, then Rock Star Terri left, and now I have to say goodbye again. Makes me feel like there's a "sinking ship, get off!" syndrome happening. I feel good about my job right now, but it's a delicate balance around here.
LD blogged a few days ago about feeling the call to serve somewhere else and worrying about being too comfortable where we are, and I so know where she's coming from. In some ways my awful credit card debt is an insulater--as long as I have a pile of bills to pay every month, there's no way I can take a low-paying, scary, but super-fulfilling job. Every time I hear about someone heading off to do the Peace Corps or working with a social justice non-profit I get a little knot in my stomach, and I know why. I have felt restless since I graduated from college, and I'm starting to think it's supposed to be that way. I don't have my future planned out like everyone around me--the M Ed., working up the student affairs ladder, etc. I'm not fully committed to this profession and sometimes I feel like people think I'm nuts. Yes, I'm getting a MLA because I don't know what I want to do two years from now, and as long as you don't know what's next for you, why not get a free degree while you figure it out? I constantly feel the need to justify my constantly-changing decisions. I talk about big ideals and making a difference, but I'm terrified to take the plunge. I'm sure that LD, and my Jersey buddy, and everyone I know and love knows this: the strange thing about this part of our lives is that we're surrounded by friends and family and people who care about us, and yet as we try and map out our little paths through this life, it's almost terrifyingly lonely...
On that depressing note, a happy weekend to all. And here's something to chew on while we watch the news this weekend.
-Pg
We are, each one of us, responsible for every war because of the agressiveness of our own lives, because of our nationalism, our selfishness, our gods, our predjudices, our ideals, all of which divide us. And only when we realize, not intellectually, but actually, as actually as we would recognize that we are hungry or in pain, that you and I are responsible for all this existing chaos, for all the misery throughout the entire world, because we have contributed to it in our daily lives, and as part of this monstrous society with its wars, divisions, its ugliness, brutality and greed--only then will we act.
-J. Krishnamurti
(on The Daily Dig)
Friday, January 28, 2005
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Moral Comedy
Check out Jim Wallis on The Daily Show. It's possible to believe in God, have morals, question the government...and have a sense of humor!!!
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
My Act, Together
I'm so used to everything in my life--work, relationships, the state of my apartment--being a mess that when I actually feel a sense of order, it kind of freaks me out. Today is one of those days. My job is going well, I'm feeling good about my place in the world, and I even vacuumed and did laundry this weekend. I haven't really thought about The Boy in weeks, I'm not worried about Blind Date guy, I've completely let go of obsessing over the Crush--it's almost like I'm sort of embracing singlehood at the moment. (Well, not really, let's face it, this is a temporary state and I'll start up again with the "biological clock" and "plight of the single woman" crap soon enough). Seriously, though, I had a good time with my friends last night and reflected about the decisions I've made, and I can honestly say that I don't have any regrets about moving up here. Yes, I hate the cold. Work could be better. There are days when I want to be where everything is comfortable and my mom is only three hours away. But this was the right thing to do--I know it in my heart. And it's so rare that I know anything in my heart that I'm feeling pretty blessed at the moment.
But let's get into character and do a little ranting. Here are a few very minor, shallow, unimportant things that are getting on my nerves these days. First of all, what the hell is up with people who don't pull their hats down, so they're just sort of sitting there on top of their heads, serving absolutely no purpose? What is that? Isn't the point of the hat to keep your head warm? If you don't want to mess up the hair, don't wear the damn hat! I'm just saying. Also, why do people reverse into parking spaces? Now I hesitate to bring it up, because I have a lot of friends and family members who do the backing-in thing, but honestly, why? To make it easy for a quick getaway? Maybe I'm jealous because I can't reverse worth a damn--I'm convinced that people who do this do it just to show everyone they can. And finally, I'm irritated by the fact that I'm so intimidated by the idea of going into the Rec Center. See, I've been working out every day for over two weeks now (whoo-hoo for me!), but I do it at home with free weights. I need to start upping the weight and adding cardio, which, since it's like 5 degrees outside lately, means either an indoor track or a treadmill. But I don't want to go to the Rec! I don't know where anything is, the last time I circuit-trained was like five years ago, and I REALLY don't want one of my discipline cases to see me sweating and bouncing around. Yes, it's silly and shallow of me. But it's the truth.
So the Oscar nominations are out... yup, I'm one of those nerds who watches them faithfully every year. I used to invite my all-female staff over for Oscar parties. In college, my two best friends and I would place bets on who would win. I get into it. And this year there are definitely some good contenders...I think Sideways is probably going to take it all, but I really liked The Aviator. The acting was fantastic (Leo has finally come out of the shithouse with me for his performances in The Titanic and The Beach, and can you believe Cate Blanchett? She rocks!), the cinemetography was flawless, the costumes were cool. I haven't seen Million Dollar Baby yet, though, and I hear it's Clint's masterpiece. We'll see. I really loved Finding Neverland, but I think it's one of those movies that just won't get its due. I'm a little pissy that Mick Jagger's song for Alfie got passed over, but maybe they figure it was such a silly movie that it didn't warrant a nomination even in the "Best Song" category, but really! That awful Counting Crows song from Shrek is up, what the hell? I'm still a little peeved at Adam Duritz.
So on the subject of movies, gotta give a little shout to my buddy LD, who, I discovered, now has a blog of her own, and had a similar reaction to In Good Company--we both zeroed in on the great Iron and Wine songs. Honestly, if you haven't listened to this band yet, what the hell are you waiting for? Even my mom likes them. And while we're talking about music, gotta give one more plug to Mason Jennings. It's January, so listen to "Dr. King" and reflect on what you can do to love your fellow man.
I finally seem to have run out of things to say, so that's all for today.
-pg
But let's get into character and do a little ranting. Here are a few very minor, shallow, unimportant things that are getting on my nerves these days. First of all, what the hell is up with people who don't pull their hats down, so they're just sort of sitting there on top of their heads, serving absolutely no purpose? What is that? Isn't the point of the hat to keep your head warm? If you don't want to mess up the hair, don't wear the damn hat! I'm just saying. Also, why do people reverse into parking spaces? Now I hesitate to bring it up, because I have a lot of friends and family members who do the backing-in thing, but honestly, why? To make it easy for a quick getaway? Maybe I'm jealous because I can't reverse worth a damn--I'm convinced that people who do this do it just to show everyone they can. And finally, I'm irritated by the fact that I'm so intimidated by the idea of going into the Rec Center. See, I've been working out every day for over two weeks now (whoo-hoo for me!), but I do it at home with free weights. I need to start upping the weight and adding cardio, which, since it's like 5 degrees outside lately, means either an indoor track or a treadmill. But I don't want to go to the Rec! I don't know where anything is, the last time I circuit-trained was like five years ago, and I REALLY don't want one of my discipline cases to see me sweating and bouncing around. Yes, it's silly and shallow of me. But it's the truth.
So the Oscar nominations are out... yup, I'm one of those nerds who watches them faithfully every year. I used to invite my all-female staff over for Oscar parties. In college, my two best friends and I would place bets on who would win. I get into it. And this year there are definitely some good contenders...I think Sideways is probably going to take it all, but I really liked The Aviator. The acting was fantastic (Leo has finally come out of the shithouse with me for his performances in The Titanic and The Beach, and can you believe Cate Blanchett? She rocks!), the cinemetography was flawless, the costumes were cool. I haven't seen Million Dollar Baby yet, though, and I hear it's Clint's masterpiece. We'll see. I really loved Finding Neverland, but I think it's one of those movies that just won't get its due. I'm a little pissy that Mick Jagger's song for Alfie got passed over, but maybe they figure it was such a silly movie that it didn't warrant a nomination even in the "Best Song" category, but really! That awful Counting Crows song from Shrek is up, what the hell? I'm still a little peeved at Adam Duritz.
So on the subject of movies, gotta give a little shout to my buddy LD, who, I discovered, now has a blog of her own, and had a similar reaction to In Good Company--we both zeroed in on the great Iron and Wine songs. Honestly, if you haven't listened to this band yet, what the hell are you waiting for? Even my mom likes them. And while we're talking about music, gotta give one more plug to Mason Jennings. It's January, so listen to "Dr. King" and reflect on what you can do to love your fellow man.
I finally seem to have run out of things to say, so that's all for today.
-pg
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Peacegrrl optimism?
I know, negativity is usually what I do best. But what can I say? It's a good day--in spite of the fact that this guy just kicked off another four years in office. To start with, I'm off to nerd greatness with my triumphant return to grad school. Last night's class is going to be pretty easy. I think tonight's might give me a little more trouble...it's College Student Development, so at the very least I will hopefully continue on the road to understanding why the hell my students act the way they do. But I'm still pretty jazzed about my Liberal Studies degree, despite the misgivings of SOME of my friends. The idea of creating a program of study based on what I'm actually interested in is just so appealing, especially since I honestly don't know what I want to do when I'm done with it. It's so nice to be young and completely lacking in direction...
Some other good news...my hero Jim Wallis has been generating a lot of buzz with his new book: God's Politics: Why The Right Gets It Wrong and the Left Doesn't Get It. Read all about it here or watch Jim on Hardball tommorow night and you'll see what I'm talking about. One of the things that sucks about being a liberal is that if you admit you believe in God or *gasp* Jesus, a lot of your peers will shun you. Christianity is for right-wingers. Which is actually pretty ridiculous, when you look at it--who preached turning the other cheek? Moving past old-testament "eye-for-an-eye" in favor of forgiveness and acceptance? Loving your brothers and sisters regardless of their percieved transgressions? Rejecting society's norms in favor of a life of charity, tolerance, and humility? I think that was Jesus, and call me crazy, but some of those ideas seem pretty darned liberal to me. I'm hoping that more Americans, right and left, will listen to Jim's message and get the politicians to stop using religion as a political foothold and focus on the issues of poverty and human rights that we're all too happy to turn a blind eye to in favor of war and social security.
So enough preaching, and on to the more shallow variety of Peacegrrl fun that we all enjoy. I've got a crush. Just a little one. There's a very nice, good-looking, smart guy who I've been having a lot of fun with as of late, and I have this odd little feeling that I haven't had in a while. You know, that thing where you really want to see the other person, and it has nothing to do with sex? As crushes go, I figure this is a fairly minor one, and probably won't lead to much of anything. But it's a nice diversion, anyway. And for those keeping track, yes, I'm still talking to Blind Date guy, and no, I still have no idea where the hell that's going. I think it's probably better if I just don't worry about it. At least I have someone to see a movie with.
And one last thing to be happy about...a member of my family has been diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease), which, if you know anything about it, is a nightmare. But we found out today that he's gotten into a clinic in Houston with one of the best ALS doctors in the country, and the Muscular Dystrophy Association is picking up the tab. So even though my family is in for some pretty hard times, at least now we know we'll have some help. God is great, I tell you. If that's not a reason to be a little optimistic, then I don't know what is...
-peacegrrl
Some other good news...my hero Jim Wallis has been generating a lot of buzz with his new book: God's Politics: Why The Right Gets It Wrong and the Left Doesn't Get It. Read all about it here or watch Jim on Hardball tommorow night and you'll see what I'm talking about. One of the things that sucks about being a liberal is that if you admit you believe in God or *gasp* Jesus, a lot of your peers will shun you. Christianity is for right-wingers. Which is actually pretty ridiculous, when you look at it--who preached turning the other cheek? Moving past old-testament "eye-for-an-eye" in favor of forgiveness and acceptance? Loving your brothers and sisters regardless of their percieved transgressions? Rejecting society's norms in favor of a life of charity, tolerance, and humility? I think that was Jesus, and call me crazy, but some of those ideas seem pretty darned liberal to me. I'm hoping that more Americans, right and left, will listen to Jim's message and get the politicians to stop using religion as a political foothold and focus on the issues of poverty and human rights that we're all too happy to turn a blind eye to in favor of war and social security.
So enough preaching, and on to the more shallow variety of Peacegrrl fun that we all enjoy. I've got a crush. Just a little one. There's a very nice, good-looking, smart guy who I've been having a lot of fun with as of late, and I have this odd little feeling that I haven't had in a while. You know, that thing where you really want to see the other person, and it has nothing to do with sex? As crushes go, I figure this is a fairly minor one, and probably won't lead to much of anything. But it's a nice diversion, anyway. And for those keeping track, yes, I'm still talking to Blind Date guy, and no, I still have no idea where the hell that's going. I think it's probably better if I just don't worry about it. At least I have someone to see a movie with.
And one last thing to be happy about...a member of my family has been diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease), which, if you know anything about it, is a nightmare. But we found out today that he's gotten into a clinic in Houston with one of the best ALS doctors in the country, and the Muscular Dystrophy Association is picking up the tab. So even though my family is in for some pretty hard times, at least now we know we'll have some help. God is great, I tell you. If that's not a reason to be a little optimistic, then I don't know what is...
-peacegrrl
Friday, January 14, 2005
A bit better
So first off, a shout-out to my homies Nick and Vixen, for the happy thoughts. I'm feeling a bit better today. First off, I discovered this amazing thing called a Liberal Studies master's degree, in which I can basically take whatever classes I want, figure out a way to tie them together, and voila! Degree! And the program advisor says that my hodgepodge of English, counseling, and student affairs classes can all transfer in. Good times. I'm thinking of doing something about minorities/underpriveledged students and access to higher ed. Or something. I don't know. The sooner I get a master's, the sooner a few more doors will be opened to me--whether I stick it out in student affairs or go off to do something else. Still haven't ruled out teaching. And let's not forget that the degree will be FREE...tuition waiver, how I love you.
And let me just say, once I get that degree, unless I meet Mr. Wonderful and he's insistent that we live in the upper midwest, I'm getting my ass farther south. This weather is fucking ridiculous. Today it was 65 degrees when I got home from work. Now it's 25 and snowing. What the hell is that about? Yeah, the south is the home of humidity and slavery, and yes, it's a place where people take actual pride in their ignorance (why else would they hang up the confederate flag and actual write songs to express pride in their redneck-ness?). And it does get up to a zillion degrees in the summer, and most of the people down there think Bush is an American hero. But there's always Austin, home of good music, radical politics, and liberal hippie-wannabee UT students. And air-conditioning. And none of this freezing rain/snow/sleet/misery bullshit.
Okay, it wouldn't be peacegrrl without a little man gossip. No, I didn't get any bootie over the break. This is highly disappointing. However, I did hear from Blind Date guy several times and he called as soon as I got back into town. Perhaps this will progress and the dry spell will end. At the very least, he lets me borrow a lot of DVDs, so the relationship certainly does have merit. I'll keep you posted.
Alrighty, it's late, I'm in my office, and my building is supposed to be empty but I'm hearing strange noises and they're scaring me. I'm going to go lock myself in my apartment now.
-peacegrrl
And let me just say, once I get that degree, unless I meet Mr. Wonderful and he's insistent that we live in the upper midwest, I'm getting my ass farther south. This weather is fucking ridiculous. Today it was 65 degrees when I got home from work. Now it's 25 and snowing. What the hell is that about? Yeah, the south is the home of humidity and slavery, and yes, it's a place where people take actual pride in their ignorance (why else would they hang up the confederate flag and actual write songs to express pride in their redneck-ness?). And it does get up to a zillion degrees in the summer, and most of the people down there think Bush is an American hero. But there's always Austin, home of good music, radical politics, and liberal hippie-wannabee UT students. And air-conditioning. And none of this freezing rain/snow/sleet/misery bullshit.
Okay, it wouldn't be peacegrrl without a little man gossip. No, I didn't get any bootie over the break. This is highly disappointing. However, I did hear from Blind Date guy several times and he called as soon as I got back into town. Perhaps this will progress and the dry spell will end. At the very least, he lets me borrow a lot of DVDs, so the relationship certainly does have merit. I'll keep you posted.
Alrighty, it's late, I'm in my office, and my building is supposed to be empty but I'm hearing strange noises and they're scaring me. I'm going to go lock myself in my apartment now.
-peacegrrl
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Doing More
I'm a bit pained right now. Call it part 23 of my never-ending quarterlife crisis, but I'm trying to figure out what purpose my life serves. I need perspective and some suggestions. Right now I seem to live for sorting out the messes of sniveling 18-20 year-olds who drink too much, smoke too much pot, and have, for the most part, oblivious parents who are content to keep shelling out the $2500 a semester for their kids to keep living in these spiffy halls. And I have to say, I'm feeling a little empty. I've still got my youthful idealism, and I don't want to wake up five or ten years for now and find that it's all gone and I never did anything with it.
The way I see it, the people I work with are in good shape. Most of them are the sons and daughters of well-off, college educated parents. They're part of that wacky millenial generation, which means that they have been pampered and coddled for most of their lives and aren't used to toughing it out on their own. A lot of them have big problems--I'm talking everything from depression to hardcore substance abuse issues--but let's face it--they're in college. They must be doing semi-ok to get here.
Being a first-generation college grad and a cynical, independant Generation X-er to boot, I'm finding it harder and harder to relate to some of my charges. And harder and harder to feel sorry for them. There are a lot of people out there who really seem to need more help than these kids. And I'm questioning the direction my life is headed in. Do I want to spend the next twenty, thirty years in higher ed administration, playing politics and hitting glass ceilings and working with people who are in the field because it's convenient and comfortable, not because they actually care about it? Should I stop kidding around and actually consider law school, and go to work for Legal Aid or something? Is the Peace Corps calling me? Sometimes I feel like I'm being drowned in too many choices, and I'm so terrified of what may or may not happen that I'm frozen in one spot.
Blahhhh...had to get that out. Sorry to be so profound. Seems if I'm not worrying about men or the state of the nation, I'm dealing with some kind of internal strife. I have an endless capacity for worry and discontent. It's a rare talent, I tell you. Happy thoughts and/or suggestions would be greatly appreciated...
-peacegrrl
The way I see it, the people I work with are in good shape. Most of them are the sons and daughters of well-off, college educated parents. They're part of that wacky millenial generation, which means that they have been pampered and coddled for most of their lives and aren't used to toughing it out on their own. A lot of them have big problems--I'm talking everything from depression to hardcore substance abuse issues--but let's face it--they're in college. They must be doing semi-ok to get here.
Being a first-generation college grad and a cynical, independant Generation X-er to boot, I'm finding it harder and harder to relate to some of my charges. And harder and harder to feel sorry for them. There are a lot of people out there who really seem to need more help than these kids. And I'm questioning the direction my life is headed in. Do I want to spend the next twenty, thirty years in higher ed administration, playing politics and hitting glass ceilings and working with people who are in the field because it's convenient and comfortable, not because they actually care about it? Should I stop kidding around and actually consider law school, and go to work for Legal Aid or something? Is the Peace Corps calling me? Sometimes I feel like I'm being drowned in too many choices, and I'm so terrified of what may or may not happen that I'm frozen in one spot.
Blahhhh...had to get that out. Sorry to be so profound. Seems if I'm not worrying about men or the state of the nation, I'm dealing with some kind of internal strife. I have an endless capacity for worry and discontent. It's a rare talent, I tell you. Happy thoughts and/or suggestions would be greatly appreciated...
-peacegrrl
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
So this is the new year...well, I don't feel any different.
Somehow the words of Death Cab for Cutie sum up my thoughts on the advent of 2005. I guess I should be nice and optimistic and thinking about new beginnings and all, but mainly I'm lamenting the loss of my lovely winter break. No, I didn't blog as promised. I was too busy sleeping in and sitting on my ass. Soooo relaxing. Even two weeks of sleeping on a couch couldn't bring me down from the euphoria that comes from not having to go to work! No whining residents, no nagging bosses, no alarm clocks. Such a beatiful thing, the mid-year break. Now I'm back in the freezing-cold Ohio weather, suffering through more training, and getting ready for the return of the students. I'll say it again...working in student affairs would really be SO great if it weren't for the damn students...
With the end of an old year and the beginning of a new one, people always feel the need to tie up loose ends (hence all of those year-end retrospectives, "great things in '04" and whatever) and make a list of impossible goals for '05 (we call them resolutions). And I, peacegrrl, am really no exception. So I bring you a very abbreviated list of some noteables in my world....
Best New Useless Habit: Watching "The Apprentice." Yeah, I got a little addicted to a *gasp* reality show. What can I say? It's entertaining. And I'm jazzed about the new "street smarts vs. college smarts" thing they're doing this season. Should make for plenty of catfights and intense boardroom drama.
Biggest Timekillers of '04: Blogging, of course. And reading other people's blogs. And knitting. And going on Amazon.com. And talking on IM. Okay, I do a LOT of time-killing...
Best Song: I'd have to say "Black Cadillacs" by Modest Mouse. I love, love, love it. Listen to it. It rules.
Most Inspiring Moment: Michael Moore's visit to campus in late October. If only the "Slacker Uprising Tour" had actually WORKED. Damn 18-24-year-olds.
Best Band I'd Never Heard Of: Iron & Wine. Thanks to The Guy. :-)
Best Artist I'd Never Heard Of: Mason Jennings, again, The Guy. :-)
Most Disappointing Moment: Around noon on November 3, when Kerry conceded. It hurt. Still hurts. Bleh.
Dumbest Thing Done While Intoxicated: Trying to hold an intelligent debate with my Republican coworker. Bad idea when drinking. VERY bad idea when aforementioned coworker is extremely attractive. Disastrous.
Least Disfunctional Relationship of '04: Again, more props to The Guy. Although it didn't really last long enough to be disfunctional, I say it counts!
Enough for the retrospective. As for resolutions, I hate them. I usually don't make any until around February when everybody else has already blown theirs. Let's just say that in '05 I hope to get my ass in gear and start taking better care of myself and my life. And be a better friend, because I'm blessed with some awesome allies in this life who I don't appreciate nearly enough.
Oh, and of course...I'll keep on blogging. Thanks for reading!
-pg
With the end of an old year and the beginning of a new one, people always feel the need to tie up loose ends (hence all of those year-end retrospectives, "great things in '04" and whatever) and make a list of impossible goals for '05 (we call them resolutions). And I, peacegrrl, am really no exception. So I bring you a very abbreviated list of some noteables in my world....
Best New Useless Habit: Watching "The Apprentice." Yeah, I got a little addicted to a *gasp* reality show. What can I say? It's entertaining. And I'm jazzed about the new "street smarts vs. college smarts" thing they're doing this season. Should make for plenty of catfights and intense boardroom drama.
Biggest Timekillers of '04: Blogging, of course. And reading other people's blogs. And knitting. And going on Amazon.com. And talking on IM. Okay, I do a LOT of time-killing...
Best Song: I'd have to say "Black Cadillacs" by Modest Mouse. I love, love, love it. Listen to it. It rules.
Most Inspiring Moment: Michael Moore's visit to campus in late October. If only the "Slacker Uprising Tour" had actually WORKED. Damn 18-24-year-olds.
Best Band I'd Never Heard Of: Iron & Wine. Thanks to The Guy. :-)
Best Artist I'd Never Heard Of: Mason Jennings, again, The Guy. :-)
Most Disappointing Moment: Around noon on November 3, when Kerry conceded. It hurt. Still hurts. Bleh.
Dumbest Thing Done While Intoxicated: Trying to hold an intelligent debate with my Republican coworker. Bad idea when drinking. VERY bad idea when aforementioned coworker is extremely attractive. Disastrous.
Least Disfunctional Relationship of '04: Again, more props to The Guy. Although it didn't really last long enough to be disfunctional, I say it counts!
Enough for the retrospective. As for resolutions, I hate them. I usually don't make any until around February when everybody else has already blown theirs. Let's just say that in '05 I hope to get my ass in gear and start taking better care of myself and my life. And be a better friend, because I'm blessed with some awesome allies in this life who I don't appreciate nearly enough.
Oh, and of course...I'll keep on blogging. Thanks for reading!
-pg
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