Stuff first.
I'm feeling a bit better, having had a weekend to feel sorry for myself and reflect on my pissiness. I've mulled over bad relationships, reflected on good (but brief) ones, had entirely too much Malibu rum, done some ill-advised drunk dialing, watched Garden State, considered and promptly vetoed the idea of becoming a lesbian (can't help it, I'm too straight for my own good), and now I'd say I'm fairly ok. Still irritated, but okay. I will say that I was aided in no small part by my latest CD purchase. Do this for me. Go to the store (not Wal-mart, for crying out loud, but you might have good luck at Target), buy the new Franz Ferdinand album, and play track 7 ("This Fire"). If you don't think it's a rockin', kick-ass song, then I don't know what the hell's wrong with you.
In mainstream-movies-I-really-liked news, I saw Hitch this weekend, and despite it being a little predictable and completely unbelievable, it was pretty damn funny. Go the matinee.
And now for a few nuggets of advice to the boys out there reading this thing. Want to avoid pissing women off? Then please adhere to the following guidelines:
1. Don't bullshit. If looks are important to you, be upfront about it. If you're not planning on calling, don't say that you will. Really, I know you do your stupid tap-dancing-around-the-truth crap to avoid hurting our feelings, but here's a clue--we're not stupid. If you're full of shit, we'll figure it out, and then we'll feel even worse. Save us all some time and tell the freaking truth.
2. We're emotional--so accept it, deal with it, get over it. We will take you out of context. We will assume the worst about everything. We will cry when least expected. Don't like it? Then stop going out with women. Want to avoid the minefield? Then do this simple exercise before you say ANYTHING: Think about it before you allow it to come out of your mouth. Is that asking for too much?
3. About 85% of the time, it's PMS. You know it, we know it, so don't be a dumbass and make the mistake of saying, "is it PMS?" You're smart creatures. Learn the pattern, recognize the signs, apply the rule above, and don't ask stupid questions.
See? I don't see how any of the above are HARD. And I don't pretend to understand men in the least, so if there's some shortcut rule list like the one above that we're not seeing, then please, by all means, share it. We need just as much help as you do.
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4 comments:
Too much Malibu, a couple of flicks and thoughts of being a lesbian... thats kind of how I deal with my weekend blues as well :)
I love how you can rip the idiot faction of our sex, and still get in a movie AND a musical plug :) Well done :)
nick
Good advice. And they're pretty simple rules. Unfortunately, #1 isn't exclusive to men . . . I've met more than a few women who do the bullshit-in-the-name-of-saving-someone's-feelings-but-really-because-they're-too-chicken-shit-to-face-the-truth routine.
Excellent point, Phil. Women, cut the bullshit, or you'll give us all a bad name and make it harder for me to bitch about men.
~perfect advice, they all should be printed and handed out to male babies at birth and retained for later reference - most definitely #2, that's a golden rule and should be tattooed on one's arm for ready reference!~
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