Some Thursday peppiness

Well, today is a better day. It probably shouldn't be--after all, I have a dentist appointment at 4, it's cloudy and freezing outside, and I'm in the midst of that one week a month that all females curse--but I find myself doing ok for a change. I aced a midterm (in a subject I don't even grasp), which is an awesome feeling--I can't believe I'm not flunking out of grad school in the midst of all the crappy stuff happening in my life. Even better, the apple pies that islegavia and I slaved over all day Sunday are a hit. We're quite the pie-baking power team, I tell you. I actually haven't tried any yet--was waiting for i to get back from a family emergency so we could sample them together--but tonight's the night. Mmmm....pie.

Let's see, what else isn't broken in my life right now? Things are improving with my sister--my bro-in-law is in treatment and hopefully sticks it out. At least sis is getting a chance to be on her own and get her head together a little bit. She's staying with peacegrrl mama, which makes me happy--I hate the thought of my ma being on her own so much of the time. There's a new doggie in the pg clan, too, a mutt named Tequila who supposedly has a mullet hairdo. I have yet to see this, but when I do, I'll be sure to post a picture. Speaking of dogs, this woman from a pet therapy they're starting on campus brought a beautiful golden retriever named Jake to our professional development meeting this morning, and I'm telling you, when that dog entered the room, you could literally feel the stress floating away. Dogs for everyone, I say. We're allowed to have cats, but they're snooty and they make me sneeze (no offense to georgia Q, vixen) so I haven't taken advantage of the priveledge.

Anyway, overall life doesn't suck too badly today. Boy stuff seems to be clicking along. The weekend is coming, payday is Monday, and the semester is over halfway finished. It's nice to have a reason to smile.
-pg

Lots of stuff

So I know I've been slacking with the whole blog thing lately, and I'm sorry. But to tell you the truth, it's mainly because I can't find anything happy to write about and I'm tired of being a downer. I think my life is turning into the book of Job or something. Ed died. A week later, my dog died. Three weeks after that, my aunt had a stroke. And now my sister's in this relationship that has turned abusive. What more could happen? I keep saying it can't get any worse, and then it does. I try to have faith, and then everything falls apart and it's hard for me to hang on to any sort of optimism. I'm sick of dealing with one catastrophe after another, and sick of being alone in the midst of all of it. And now I'm starting to sound really whiny, so that's it--end of subject.

I know I haven't gone on in a while about guys, mainly because there have been way more important things to worry about, but rest assured, the peacegrrl manhunt continues. I think some progress has been made. I hope. I'm taking it slow. I think that the whole game we play when we're attracted to somebody is really pretty ridiculous, but I guess that's what separates us from the animals. Since I'm trying to enter the world of the emotionally mature relationship, I'm thinking patience is pretty important. Wish me luck.

So I had this totally fall weekend--I went to the apple orchard with my buddy islegavia and we baked pies all afternoon on Sunday. We were feeling very domestic. The leaves are really changing now, so it was beautiful at the orchard. But today it's feeling a lot more like winter, and we might even get a little snow this week--ick. I'm not ready for six months of darkness yet! I guess it's time to break out the flannel sheets and the long underwear. I feel like a seasoned veteran, having survived one northeast Ohio winter. At least this year I'm prepared for the misery. And it's almost cookie-baking time...mmm. Man, I'm starting to sound like betty crocker. Well, if the way to a guy's heart is through his stomach, hopefully I'll have them chasing me, right?

Right, so there wasn't much of a focus to this entry. Sorry about that. I promise I'll try to stop sounding like Debbie Downer and post more often. Send me some positive energy.
-pg

Confessions

Can't think of anything interesting to write today, so I stole this from bookgerm's live journal.

x your confessions...
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I watch the news
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic
[x] I like Disney movies Exept for Pocahontas and all those Lion King sequels
[x] I curse regularly
[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[x] I have a job.
[x] I am self conscious
[X] I like to laugh.
[ ] I smoke a pack a day. I don't even smoke one a day anymore! :-)
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick. The Ricolla ones are tasty.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I have many scars.
[x] I've been out of this country.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love chocolate.
[ ] I am comfortable with being me. Only about half of the time
[x] I play computer games/video games when I'm bored "Shapeshifter" on MSN
[x] Gotten lost in the city. Houston
[x] I had a serious surgery.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.
[x] Hugged a stranger
[x] Been in a fist fight Fourth grade. Tetherball dispute.
[ ] Been arrested
[x] Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose.
[ ] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[x] Swore at your parents.
[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts. Only once, and it was necessary.
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[x] Broken a bone. My pinkee finger and my tailbone. Ha, I broke my ass!
[ ] Played spin the bottle.
[x] Gotten the chicken pox.
[x] Been fired. Well, sort of. I got offered a job once and then they took it back, does that count?
[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] Stole something from your job. Post-it notes...and the occasional non-work-related copy...
[x] Had a crush on a teacher/coach. Mr. Rodgriguez, 7th grade speech...Dr. Sanford, college Moral Issues class...Dr. Young, undergrad advisor
[x] Saw someone/something dying.
[x] Ridden over 400 miles in one day.
[x] Been on a plane.
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar.
[x] Eaten Sushi. Yummy.
[x] Met someone in person from the internet.
[ ] Been to a motocross show.
[ ] Done hard drugs
[ ] Cheated on someone else
*pass this on with your own confessions

Going home

I know I haven't posted in a while...there just hasn't been much interesting to talk about. It's the normal fall routine--work too hard, sleep too little, complain. There haven't been any new developments in my continuing search for a Mature Relationship, either (although hope springs eternal!) I'm about to head home to Texas for a break, so hopefully when I get back I'll have lots more to say. I'm sure it will be an interesting visit--no Ed, no dog, and probably some good old family grieving, but I'm hoping once I see that everyone's doing ok I'll stop feeling so much guilt about being far away and maybe even start sleeping better. Maybe. Anyway, I'll update when I get back...
-pg

Piss.

Well, the euphoria of last Wednesday has definitely given way to serious nastiness. Everything fell apart the next day--the mean parents returned. Work started to suck again. And then, to add insult to injury, my dog died. Today my continued lack of sleep (I wasn't allowed to take a sleeping pill last night thanks to duty), along with an uncool run-in with this mean crazy woman in one of my classes, led to a total breakdown. I walked into my apartment at five today, quietly proceeded to the bedroom, and absolutely dissolved into a pile of tears. It wasn't pretty--you know, that snotty-hiccupy kind of crying that is best reserved for privacy. You know how they say grief knocks you on your ass when you least expect it? Well, I think I got my ass-knocking today. After mopping up what was left of my face, I of course had to pull myself together and arrive at the office for an evening of meetings, which has been fun. I'm sure everyone can see that my face looks like a pillow that has been punched in, but thank goodness they've kindly refrained from mentioning it. That's one good thing about a 24-hour a day job...you can't completely fall apart. You can short-circuit in episodes, but then you need to slap on some concealer and march back into the office to deal with everybody else's life. And I'm glad, truly I am. I can't lose it if I never have a chance to.

Really, I'm ok. Everything is just backing up on me. I hope that once I get home and see my family I'll pull myself together. I hate the drama. I hate feeling like I'm the one to whom all the shitty, quirky stuff happens. And I hate the guilt that comes with feeling like this while knowing how small and inconsequential my little problems really are. I want to wallow, but I'm no good at it. My life doesn't suck bad enough for wallowing. It's just a little rough around the edges at the moment, that's all.

Believe it or not, when I logged into Blogger I was planning to do a rambling post about Philip Seymour Hoffman before I got distracted by how crappy I'm feeling. Did you know that there are no good fan sites about him? Am I the only one in the world who thinks he's adorable? More on that later, though, because my office hours are up and it's time to put on a happy face for my 10pm staff meeting. Seriously, this job doesn't leave nearly enough time for whining.