So here we are, at that akward little crevice between Thanksgiving and Christmas, when everyone's shopping like crazy and doing their best to get into the "holiday spirit." I got a few days away from the Ohio blizzard and hung out in the Houston smog, where it was 80 degrees on Thanksgiving, which I think is just plain wierd. Thanksgiving was ok. Lots of turkey and stuffing and family drama, but we survived the first major holiday without Ed without any major mishap. We were aided in great part by the new family pet. Tequila is the craziest looking, cutest dog I've ever seen. She really does have a mohawk, too! She's part Rhodesian Ridgeback. Spirits were so high that we even dragged ourselves out of bed at 4am on Black Friday to go shopping. It was worth it to wander around in Gardenridge Pottery while it was nearly empty, but by the time we got to Kohl's the crowds had arrived and were turning a bit hostile. I think I'll go ahead and avoid that experience in the future.
The really good news is that it's cookie-baking time. I'm getting started this weekend, and the plan, provided that I get enough baking done and actually manage to keep my apartment clean for the next two weeks, is to invite everybody over on the 10th for a cookie party. For some people the holidays are all about tinsle and wreaths, but I'm more into gathering my friends around so we can overdose on sugar and complain about work. I'm really hoping that the smell of warm oatmeal scotchies will help get me a little more into the celebrating mood, because right now things just aren't so hot. I'm exhausted all the time (but I can never sleep), I feel like I'm lagging behind in just about everything, and my self-esteem is really in the dumps. I'm just not keeping it together these days. I'm so damn down that I don't even feel like obsessing about men. I realize that I'm in no way qualified to be a part of a relationship at the present time. I need to get my own act together before I start worrying about anybody else's.
And with that, I'd better roll. One more meeting to go. Leave me some happy thoughts--I miss comments!
-pg
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Well, it's officially that time of the year--the snow has been flying since yesterday afternoon. At least it's not sticking to anything. It's seriously gloomy out there, though, which makes it hard to crawl out from under the flannel sheets in the morning. I need to get some of those full-spectrum lightbulbs or something. I think Seasonal Affective Disorder is already setting in. Then again, it's hard to differenciate between my normal crabbiness and crabbiness associated with the loss of daylight savings time. Someone told me yesterday that the last time they saw me NOT in an uptight, worried, or complaining mood was back in June. Am I only seasonally pleasant? Is my job destroying my ability to relax and think happy thoughts? The career-change contemplation continues. It will last at least through December, after which I will return from the holidays refreshed and optimistic, thinking that surely I can handle one more year. I can't decide if I keep doing this because it's my calling or because I'm terrified to do anything else. Is fear the only thing stopping me? Will I end up getting married, staying in this career, settling in and looking back twenty years from now wishing I'd taken a different path?
Aaah, enough career contemplation for now. I think my biggest problem these days is that I'm lonely. Definitely not lonely for friends, because I've been blessed with probably more than I deserve. Just wishing I had a non-platonic guy in my life. My relationship with The Boy was dysfunctional at best, but at least it was a relationship. This is going to sound unforgiveably cheesy, but there are times when everything seems to be falling apart and you just need someone's arms in which to sink. I value my independence and my ability to function as a single woman with a full-time career, and in no way do I think that I'm somehow "less than" because I don't have a man in my life. But that doesn't, not for a second, stop me from wishing that I did. I don't think I was meant to go through my entire life alone. And sometimes it's really hard for me to understand why I've had to face three of the hardest months of my entire life without the comfort of being able to go home to somebody. I'm certain I'll come out from all of this stronger than before. But that doesn't make it any less bittersweet.
Alrighty, end of reflection. Off to go on duty. I'm hoping that the cold weather slows everybody down and it's an unusually quiet Thursday night.
-pg
Aaah, enough career contemplation for now. I think my biggest problem these days is that I'm lonely. Definitely not lonely for friends, because I've been blessed with probably more than I deserve. Just wishing I had a non-platonic guy in my life. My relationship with The Boy was dysfunctional at best, but at least it was a relationship. This is going to sound unforgiveably cheesy, but there are times when everything seems to be falling apart and you just need someone's arms in which to sink. I value my independence and my ability to function as a single woman with a full-time career, and in no way do I think that I'm somehow "less than" because I don't have a man in my life. But that doesn't, not for a second, stop me from wishing that I did. I don't think I was meant to go through my entire life alone. And sometimes it's really hard for me to understand why I've had to face three of the hardest months of my entire life without the comfort of being able to go home to somebody. I'm certain I'll come out from all of this stronger than before. But that doesn't make it any less bittersweet.
Alrighty, end of reflection. Off to go on duty. I'm hoping that the cold weather slows everybody down and it's an unusually quiet Thursday night.
-pg
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Neglect...
So I know that I've been lousy about keeping up with the blog lately. I have a few excuses...my computer froze up when I tried to update last week and I lost my post, and I've been too crabby to write much. Plus I fear that my posts aren't very interesting, especially compared with my friends who are off on fabulous adventures, or getting married, or are just way more creative than I am. I think I use the format more for bitching than anything else. Then again, it's my blog and I'll bitch if I want to, right?
Then let's begin. Work...stressful, overwhelming, annoying, and exhausting. I burn out every year right about now, and I'm definitely on schedule. I spend most days racing to keep up with everything I'm expected to do. Of course once again I'm spending a lot of time pondering whether or not this is actually what I want to do with my life. I'm sick of college students...SO sick of them. I don't know that the five-day Thanksgiving break is going to help much. I hope so. This is one of the only things (besides knitting and baking chocolate chip cookies, neither of which is particularly lucrative) that I'm good at. It doesn't help that my entire social circle is tied up in my job, which is probably not the healthiest thing.
Which brings us to my "love life"...which is basically non-existent. Yes, I like a guy. No, I have no idea if the feeling is mutual. And I'm in no mood to risk rejection. For now I've decided that friendship is good enough for the moment, and let's be honest, about all I really have time for. I can't even manage to update my blog and keep my apartment vacuumed. How am I possibly going to be able to maintain some semblance of a relationship?
My nanowrimo project is kind of a bust, because when I actually have a few minutes of downtime, I can't think of anything creative. Maybe I'll have a spurt of inspiration and hammer out another 43,000 words over the weekend, but I'm seriously doubting it. Maybe I should stick to reading novels instead of writing them. Speaking of which, Between A Rock and a Hard Place was awesome. I've moved on to the new Jennifer Weiner book, but I have to say, not too impressed so far. Then again, anything is more interesting than the crap I've been reading for my classes lately.
So okay, happy thoughts. I had a fun weekend, with lots of time with my totally platonic love interest. The Guy (remember last July's quasi-romantic saga?) is supposed to be swinging through town sometime this weekend, which should be fun. Might the Peacegrrl find herself in a compromising position in which she must weigh the ethics of perhaps being presented with the possibility of getting a little action against the fact that she has an enormous crush on someone else? We shall see. I'm headed to Texas for Thanskgiving in a week--yay for turkey, mom, and no work! The first snow is supposed to come this week, which is okay--the first snow is fine. It's all pretty and sparkly and fun for the first twenty-four hours. It's after the forty-fifth snow, when everything's covered in gray slush and the bottoms of all of my pants are eaten away by salt stains, that it really starts to get old. And that's all the good stuff I can come up with for the moment, although I'm sure there's lots more.
That's all for today...I'm off to a meeting and then my workday is officially over. Yay for getting to bed at a decent hour. I promise to post more often, bitching or no bitching.
-pg
Then let's begin. Work...stressful, overwhelming, annoying, and exhausting. I burn out every year right about now, and I'm definitely on schedule. I spend most days racing to keep up with everything I'm expected to do. Of course once again I'm spending a lot of time pondering whether or not this is actually what I want to do with my life. I'm sick of college students...SO sick of them. I don't know that the five-day Thanksgiving break is going to help much. I hope so. This is one of the only things (besides knitting and baking chocolate chip cookies, neither of which is particularly lucrative) that I'm good at. It doesn't help that my entire social circle is tied up in my job, which is probably not the healthiest thing.
Which brings us to my "love life"...which is basically non-existent. Yes, I like a guy. No, I have no idea if the feeling is mutual. And I'm in no mood to risk rejection. For now I've decided that friendship is good enough for the moment, and let's be honest, about all I really have time for. I can't even manage to update my blog and keep my apartment vacuumed. How am I possibly going to be able to maintain some semblance of a relationship?
My nanowrimo project is kind of a bust, because when I actually have a few minutes of downtime, I can't think of anything creative. Maybe I'll have a spurt of inspiration and hammer out another 43,000 words over the weekend, but I'm seriously doubting it. Maybe I should stick to reading novels instead of writing them. Speaking of which, Between A Rock and a Hard Place was awesome. I've moved on to the new Jennifer Weiner book, but I have to say, not too impressed so far. Then again, anything is more interesting than the crap I've been reading for my classes lately.
So okay, happy thoughts. I had a fun weekend, with lots of time with my totally platonic love interest. The Guy (remember last July's quasi-romantic saga?) is supposed to be swinging through town sometime this weekend, which should be fun. Might the Peacegrrl find herself in a compromising position in which she must weigh the ethics of perhaps being presented with the possibility of getting a little action against the fact that she has an enormous crush on someone else? We shall see. I'm headed to Texas for Thanskgiving in a week--yay for turkey, mom, and no work! The first snow is supposed to come this week, which is okay--the first snow is fine. It's all pretty and sparkly and fun for the first twenty-four hours. It's after the forty-fifth snow, when everything's covered in gray slush and the bottoms of all of my pants are eaten away by salt stains, that it really starts to get old. And that's all the good stuff I can come up with for the moment, although I'm sure there's lots more.
That's all for today...I'm off to a meeting and then my workday is officially over. Yay for getting to bed at a decent hour. I promise to post more often, bitching or no bitching.
-pg
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
The Week So Far
A rundown...
1. I bought the book Between A Rock And A Hard Place on Sunday and it's been practically impossible to put down. Holy crap. This guy's story is unbelievable. The way he describes his completely organic connection with the outdoors, his ascent to absolute despair and his climb out of it...damn, it's good. Favorite line so far: "A crystalline moment shatters and the world is a different place." Totally begs for reflection on my own "crystalline moments", but I don't think any experience I've had can compare with sitting trapped in a canyon for a week with my right arm jammed under a boulder...
2. The CD I can't stop listening to right now: Picaresque, by The Decemberists. The CD I plan to buy next: Elevator, by Hot Hot Heat. So much good music in the world, so little time.
3. My freakin' tooth is killing me. I have the toothache to end all toothaches. It's so bad I don't know if I'm going to make it in to work tommorow. It's getting yanked on Friday, and oh, how THAT thrills me. This hasn't really been my year, medically speaking.
4. My search for a Mature Relationship appears to be at a standstill for the moment. We're stuck. I don't know if this thing is ever going to get moving. I need to work on my patience where love is concerned. Any advice?
5. I've signed up for NaNoWriMo, which is short for "National Novel Writing Month," and it's this big thing where you try to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. This was the kick-off day, and I'm at something like 600 words. I think they're 600 words of crap, and you'll probably never see them (or any that follow), but the point is quantity, not necessarily quantity, and I want to see if I can actually hit the 50,000 goal. Among all of those words, there will hopefully be a few worth keeping and maybe doing something with. As if I really have any time for this...but I don't care--it's fun and if it means I get behind in a few other things, so be it. It's only a month.
6. This is Tequila, the new peacegrrl family pet:
1. I bought the book Between A Rock And A Hard Place on Sunday and it's been practically impossible to put down. Holy crap. This guy's story is unbelievable. The way he describes his completely organic connection with the outdoors, his ascent to absolute despair and his climb out of it...damn, it's good. Favorite line so far: "A crystalline moment shatters and the world is a different place." Totally begs for reflection on my own "crystalline moments", but I don't think any experience I've had can compare with sitting trapped in a canyon for a week with my right arm jammed under a boulder...
2. The CD I can't stop listening to right now: Picaresque, by The Decemberists. The CD I plan to buy next: Elevator, by Hot Hot Heat. So much good music in the world, so little time.
3. My freakin' tooth is killing me. I have the toothache to end all toothaches. It's so bad I don't know if I'm going to make it in to work tommorow. It's getting yanked on Friday, and oh, how THAT thrills me. This hasn't really been my year, medically speaking.
4. My search for a Mature Relationship appears to be at a standstill for the moment. We're stuck. I don't know if this thing is ever going to get moving. I need to work on my patience where love is concerned. Any advice?
5. I've signed up for NaNoWriMo, which is short for "National Novel Writing Month," and it's this big thing where you try to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. This was the kick-off day, and I'm at something like 600 words. I think they're 600 words of crap, and you'll probably never see them (or any that follow), but the point is quantity, not necessarily quantity, and I want to see if I can actually hit the 50,000 goal. Among all of those words, there will hopefully be a few worth keeping and maybe doing something with. As if I really have any time for this...but I don't care--it's fun and if it means I get behind in a few other things, so be it. It's only a month.
6. This is Tequila, the new peacegrrl family pet:
You can see the top of her bizarre, unexplainable mohawk/mullet hairdo in between her ears. How damn CUTE is she?
I guess I'll close with that. It's hard to come up with anything to follow puppy pictures.
-pg
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