Why?

Would somebody PLEASE explain the popped collar thing to me? They're all over campus. When did a too-tight polyester polo with a flipped-up collar suddenly become "cool"?

Too old.

Last night I consumed a few too many alcoholic beverages. Seeing as my body was already completely exhausted from seven straight 10+ hour workdays, no decent or nutritionally sound meals in over a week, and sleep deprivation due to the non-stop arrival of first-year students, I'm thinking it was a bad idea. Today I feel disoriented, used-up, and ancient. And since I turn into an even worse bigmouth when I've been drinking, stupid things were indeed said. I'm too old to do this crap anymore. I remember being able to party five nights a week and still make it to class, and I think, who the hell was that person? It's time to be a grownup.

I'm pissy today because I feel like the fragile web of friendship that I'm a part of has been threatened. I've never been all that good with change--I'm better at it than most people, but that's not saying much. And changes in relationships are much harder for me to handle than, say, changes in location, or stuff at work. I can bear all of that as long as I feel secure in my network of friends. So when I feel the tides start turning and there's even the slightest hint that something might fray out the delicate threads that bind me to the people I care about, I freak out and make a big deal out of nothing. When am I going to learn that life is just a series of shifting relationships?

Grrr, too much seriousness! Today's a good day--the sun is shining and everything's cool. There's no reason to let a hangover ruin the waning hours of my weekend! I'm off to search for happy thoughts.
-pg

Settling In

Well, here it goes: Year # 2 in Northeast Ohio. It's been a whacked-out couple of weeks, with pretty much non-stop work, and I know it's only going to get worse. The good news is that amidst all the chaos, I've managed to spend quality time with my friends and keep up the steady stream of pessimistic humor that I'm known for. I'm jealous of the fabulous vacations that everyone's got under their belt--the mountains, NYC, Key West--while I boast of the quality time I spent in scenic North Dakota and rural Virginia...next summer I really do need to save some cash and hit someplace like Las Vegas. Or maybe I'll finally do that backpacking trip through Montana that I've been talking about since 1998. Right now, though, is no time to be thinking about vacations. Classes start on Monday, and I'm coordinating this very interesting thing called a learning community, so my life is about to turn into more of a swirling mass of activity than ever. I'm oddly excited about the impending stress. As always, I seem to work best when the pressure's on, the ulcer is flaring up, and sleep is at a premium. Plus it gives me less time to obsess over the opposite sex...

So speaking of which, I'm not sure where things are going with the new dude. I'm definitely into him--I've healed from the final Boy drama, and I feel good about moving on. And I'm convinced that this guy is totally perfect for me. He's out of his 20s, done with the whole party-obsession phase, settled into a good job, and has this laid-back attitude that I envy. Plus, he's tall, cute, and has a great sense of humor. I feel like he might be into me too, but it's hard to tell--maybe he's just one of those really nice guys? Whenever I talk to him, I feel like we're the only ones in the room. And those of you who know me are well aware of how I generally become an absolute babbling moron in the presence of guys I like, right? Not with this one. I swear, I'm actually comfortable around him. Is it a sign? Am I imagining all of this? Holy crap, I'm so sick of this demented game. Send me some happy vibes, everybody! I think the time may have come for the peacegrrl to enter the world of the emotionally mature relationship...

Anyway, that's just about all I have to report for now. I'm about to start my regular schedule of endless hours in the office, so I'm sure I'll be posting a lot more in the next couple of weeks. For now, though, it's time to grab some food, and then I'm off to a Colin Hay concert tonight. More soon!
-pg

Exhaustion

OK, it's been over a month since I posted, and I'm sending out apologies to anybody who was wondering if I'm still alive. The last few weeks have been...challenging. The slow pace of the summer is over for me, and I can't seem to clear the cobwebs out of my brain and get rolling again. There are so many things that I've left undone that I hardly know where to begin. It feels like a train came by to pick me up for a trip that I hadn't even packed for yet. And here I am, rolling along at breakneck speed like I do every August, figuring that I'll find myself again when December rolls around and the wheels finally grind to a temporary halt.

I feel kind of obligated to give some updates, so here goes: visit with father...done, and with no major mishaps or politically-charged arguments. Assload of work to get ready for new learning community...check. It may even end up being successful. Relationship issues...resolved, to an extent. I visited The Boy and got some closure...for now, anyway. Let's face it. The Boy is a saga, and who knows if it'll ever truly be over. Suffice to say that the timing is wrong, the maturity levels aren't aligning, and I'm still convinced that there's a guy out there who will treat me with a little more respect and sensitivity. For now, and maybe forever, The Boy isn't that guy. So let's just say that the major chapters are pretty much completed as far as we're concerned. And that's about the sum total of my summer accomplishments. Not too shabby, I suppose, considering I could have spent it

Life is going to get fairly insane sometime in the next few weeks--the students are coming back, I'm carrying a huge workload, and I've got two more classes on my plate for the fall. Barring a nervous breakdown, I'm really hoping that I'll do some growing over the next few months. Feels kinda like another famous Peacegrrl turning point. And, of course, there's a new guy. Is this just the latest in a string of busts? Or could this one be The Man? It's way too earlier for any of that. I'm a rebounder at the moment, let's not forget. And before I start launching into super-crush-mode, it might be useful to attempt to determine whether or not the attraction is mutual (or, at the very least, confirm that he's actually aware that I exist).

Right now I'm exhausted beyond reason, so that's all for this post. But I promise to come back again sooner. I'm done with my summer hiatus and will once again spew forth my babbles for all to see!!!

Just a quickie...

Just putting in a quick plug for ALS research and awareness before I head out tommorow. If you've been following the fledgling scarf project and want to know more about Lou Gherig's Disease and what you can do to help, click here: http://www.mdausa.org Thanks! And if you're interested in ordering a scarf, just let me know! :-)
-pg

The summer rages on...

So I guess I've gotten into a once-a-week posting habit. If I had anything witty or insightful to say, I'd post more often, but unfortunately the lack of interaction with students and the break from classes has turned my brain into mush. Occasionally something comes along to stimulate it...but it's usually bad news.

I woke up yesterday morning to the tragedy in London. One minute the spotlight is on Africa, and on maybe finally making some changes in this terribly uneven world...and the next we're lamenting the loss of innocent people and talking about the war on terror again. I'm sickened by all of it. I don't understand the human bloodlust that leads us to think that we can solve our problems and make things right by killing each other. Doesn't God get sick of hearing his name invoked for the sake of murder? When are we finally going to say enough is enough? Or will we not have our appetites for mass destruction sated until we've completely destroyed each other, and the planet along with us? I'm still young and idealistic enough to believe that there's no justification for killing people. The lives of fifty Londoners aren't any more valuable than the lives of a few thousand Iraqi civilians who got in the way of our coalition, are they? It's awful and wrong and devastating when people kill each other--no matter why.

I've got to stop thinking so much about stuff like this. I need to focus on the problems of my own little life instead of lecturing about global issues that I don't even understand. So let's change the subject. The big father-daughter reunion is coming up in a few days, and I'm kind of excited, though characteristically dubious and pessimistic. Stuff with The Boy is going pretty well. My cable is back on...but wouldn't you know it, my thirteen-year-old TV broke, so I'm stuck squinting at my 12-incher until I can save enough money to buy a new one. If it's not one thing, it's another.

And I think I have a name for the scarf project,thanks to Lauren who talked to an old friend who I thought hated me...maybe not? We're thinking "That's A Wrap!" How's that? Good? Bad? I've been knitting away during these summer months, so we even have a small inventory. I kind of wish I could do socks, because I had this idea to call it "Sock it to ALS!", but unfortunately, while I can handle scarves, hats, and ipod covers, the sock continues to elude me. Anyway, feedback on the name would be helpful, but you're not allowed to say you hate it unless you can think of something better. Is that fair?

Alrighty, well, I guess if I'm planning to take a week off, I should at least pretend to get a little work done before I go. So that's all for today...forgive the brief peacegrrl hiatus, but I don't want to blog from the padre's computer and have him stumble across it and decide he has an evil uber-left-wing commie for a daughter, leading him to withdraw all parental support. He drives me nuts, but I do love him and feel it best to spare him from my bleeding-heart rhetoric. He's getting old, and I don't know if he could take it...
Back soon!
-pg

Not much to say

So haven't posted in a while, for the simple reason that I'm too pissy for the blog these days. I mean, I know negativity is sort of my trademark, but there comes a point where even I get tired of my own complaining. Plus, really, things aren't that bad, I'm just bored. And kinda bummed because numerous attempts to get together for a visit with The Boy have been failures, and I feel like we're at something of a stalemate. There's really not much to be done, other than just wait and see how it plays out, and we all know how lousy I am at waiting...

Well, the monotony will be broken up a bit next weekend, since I'm heading to Virginia to spend "quality time" with my father and stepmother. Our visits are always an exercise in caution and restraint. Since our relationship is pretty fragile (see this post for a recap), we spend most of the time jetting around sightseeing, and he spoils me something awful. Overall it's not too bad. It only gets wierd when we're eating dinner and he insists on watching Fox News and trying to bait me. Or when we're taking a long drive and he starts rambling on about affirmative action and Southern pride. Then I end up biting my tongue so hard that it bleeds, trying to keep my comments to myself and preserve the thin ties that bind us. At least it's not an election year...the last visit was especially painful. But every year I get a little more mature and better able to pick my battles. This time we're driving up to Baltimore and visiting my grandmother, and I'll get to watch the two of them snip at each other for a few days. There's nothing more uncomfortable than watching two family members you don't know very well argue about where to go for lunch. These heated debates can last all afternoon, so this time I'll be prepared with a Zone bar in my purse in case we don't end up eating until four.

This post is pretty weak, I know it. I seem to be fresh out of witty comments, and even my usually amusing "personal life" is mired in uninteresting details. Forgive me, I promise I'll try to be more interesting next time!
-pg