The Dating Minefield

Prepare yourself for some peacegrrl bitching. So I went on Blind Date # 2 for this fall on Saturday night. Some of you may be familiar with the fate of my last blind date. I'll bring the new folks up to speed: I met the guy for an hour of drinks and conversation, and was impressed. Unfortunately, he was not. I never heard from him again. I didn't even get the "gee thanks, but..." phone call. So unless the guy was hit by a bus, which I highly doubt, I was so unimpressive that further contact was deemed an unnecessary and unenjoyable waste of time. Oh well, his loss, right? RIGHT???

A little bummed, but not to be defeated, I dusted myself off and prepared to get back into the ring. I did some de-stressing, got a haircut and some cute shoes, and read He's Just Not That Into You for perspective. Then I was inspired to do a little housecleaning in the relationship realm. "I've been holding back because of The Boy debacle," I told myself. "Time to move on and see what happens." Now I was ready to get out there again.

If you've never had a blind date, it might not be easy to understand how complicated these things really are. First, there are the false hopes that you've built up based on the great rapport you've built with the person via your witty e-mail banter or even wittier phone banter. This is why I suggest doing the face-to face as early as possible, to minimize attachment before chemistry blows everything to hell. Then you have the safety factor-meet in a public place, don't have him pick you up. Keep it to coffee and drinks--this way if he's a freak, you're not stuck with him for a whole meal. And give yourself an out through the "courtesy page"--have a friend of yours call your cell about halfway through the date. If it's going well, you do the whole "Yes, yes, I'll call you back later" thing. If it's a fucking disaster, you say "Oh no! I'll be right there!" and make up some kind of emergency. Anyway, so your hopes are built up, you've taken precautions in case he's a serial killer, and now you get to deal with your own self- doubt. What if he thinks you're ugly? What if you arrive too early--he'll think you're overeager. Or you might be late, and he'll think you don't care. Or the scenario that I have nightmares about: he never shows up, meaning he either forgot, or took one look at you and ran like hell. All in all, blind dating is a miserable leap of faith that I try my best not to think about as I dive into the things one after the other.

Anyway, getting back to my point, Blind Date #2 started out badly. He was early and waiting for me, and I guess his expectations were high, because when I said hello and introduced myself, I swear I could FEEL the disappointment coming off of him. Really. This is not just my low self-esteem talking. It was palpable. We didn't even shake hands. And as soon as we got in line to order coffee (I paid for my own, by the way, which I've never done on a blind date), he says, "Just so you know, I need to leave in about an hour to go work out." Okay, it's 8pm on a Saturday night, and he's telling me he needs to go work out? This must be his version of the "courtesy page," and he's already invoked it. Ouch. Clearly this would be an evening to endure, not enjoy.

Surprisingly, although we did stumble around a bit during the first few minutes of small talk, it did get better. I guess I redeemed myself through intelligent chit-chat and observations about movies and my maniac residents, because at around 8:30, he stretches out and says, "I think I'll skip the workout tonight. It's too late anyway." And we continued our conversation, which was rather pleasant. We like a lot of the same things, we both have disfunctional families, he's a young 30 and I'm an old 25, and we're intellectually on the same page. But when I got home, the "will-he-call" dance was inevitable. Obviously I'm not attractive enough, otherwise he wouldn't have pulled that shit in the first five minutes. He was cute enough for me, but maybe I'm not as picky as some. Would this share the same fate as the last "date?" I got a "nice to meet you, have a good Thanksgiving if I don't talk to you before" e-mail today. I guess this means I got a decent grade? Will we meet up again, or is this it? How long until my next dunk in the blind-date swamp?

My point in all of this, faithful half-dozen readers, is that I'm sick of this game. And since I'm in my childbearing years and the biological clock is ticking and I'm surrounded by sub-teenagers and I want to find somebody to settle down with, I'm doomed to play it indefinitely. Blind-dating is probably not the best approach, but it's the only one I can see--it makes no sense to sit around and wait for him to find me, because the only people I come into contact with on a daily basis are eighteen-year-olds and coworkers (and though coworkers are fun to fantasize about/have illicit affairs with, we all know what a bad idea THAT turns out to be. Plus I'm in so much awe of the one I really like that I wouldn't DREAM of telling him in a million years!). This sucks! I'm starting to sound like Charlotte from Sex and the City, "I'm exhausted! I've been dating since I was 15! WHERE IS HE?" Where is that guy who likes curly hair, wicked curves, and baked goods? Who doesn't mind that I swear sometimes and don't like household chores? Who thinks the idea of a knitting feminist is adorable? Who will buy me Honey Brown when my supply runs out, watch lousy movies with me, and take me to concerts? Blehhhhh.... Yes, I'm a professional career-minded women. I realize there is more to life than men. I mean, really, I'm well aware.

It's just cathartic to bitch about what I don't have. In five years or so when I've settled down and started having kids, I'll probably bitch about how much I miss being single.
-pg